Agony, pure agony. I'll tell you what it is. It's when your soon-to-be newest daughter calls on the phone almost every night and is almost in tears asking when she can come home. To hear her voice saying, "Mama, Papa, can't I just come home?" Talk about heart-breaking...especially when I can't do diddly-squat about it.
But anyway, I was thinking tonight about something. Psalms 113:9, "He makes the barren woman abide in the house As a joyful mother of children. Praise the LORD!" God gave me this verse about 5 or 6 6 years ago when I wondered why I couldn't have a baby. I've always held on to this verse and I've even had people tell me that they envisioned me with my house full of children (even if they weren't my own).
Guess what I realized?!?!?!?! I am a happy mother of children...yes, plural! I have Martaysha, soon to by Katryna....and to add to it, I have friends of Martie's and Katryna's that call me mom. Martie's boyfriend for example calls me "mommy #2". I can't even begin to express how this makes me feel. It's such a great feeling to watch God answer a prayer that is 8 years old.
And as I look back I can see how everything fit together. I may have gotten angry and frustrated at the time, but if things didn't work out just like they did, all of it would be different.
For example, if we had our own baby we never would have adopted Martie (loss #1). Then if we hadn't adopted Martie, she wouldn't have become friends with Katryna and taken her under our wing....and there would be no adoption of Katryna. Then, if we didn't have Martie, she wouldn't be dating Neal and therefore, I would not be his other mommy. Are we seeing a pattern here? There's a reason for everything.
So, just think about your life. Have you had times that didn't make sense, and maybe even made you angry? Just think of your future (past all these "trials") and imagine what good God might do with it all. I promise it's there! God Bless!!!!
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