Agony, pure agony. I'll tell you what it is. It's when your soon-to-be newest daughter calls on the phone almost every night and is almost in tears asking when she can come home. To hear her voice saying, "Mama, Papa, can't I just come home?" Talk about heart-breaking...especially when I can't do diddly-squat about it.
But anyway, I was thinking tonight about something. Psalms 113:9, "He makes the barren woman abide in the house As a joyful mother of children. Praise the LORD!" God gave me this verse about 5 or 6 6 years ago when I wondered why I couldn't have a baby. I've always held on to this verse and I've even had people tell me that they envisioned me with my house full of children (even if they weren't my own).
Guess what I realized?!?!?!?! I am a happy mother of children...yes, plural! I have Martaysha, soon to by Katryna....and to add to it, I have friends of Martie's and Katryna's that call me mom. Martie's boyfriend for example calls me "mommy #2". I can't even begin to express how this makes me feel. It's such a great feeling to watch God answer a prayer that is 8 years old.
And as I look back I can see how everything fit together. I may have gotten angry and frustrated at the time, but if things didn't work out just like they did, all of it would be different.
For example, if we had our own baby we never would have adopted Martie (loss #1). Then if we hadn't adopted Martie, she wouldn't have become friends with Katryna and taken her under our wing....and there would be no adoption of Katryna. Then, if we didn't have Martie, she wouldn't be dating Neal and therefore, I would not be his other mommy. Are we seeing a pattern here? There's a reason for everything.
So, just think about your life. Have you had times that didn't make sense, and maybe even made you angry? Just think of your future (past all these "trials") and imagine what good God might do with it all. I promise it's there! God Bless!!!!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
New Addition
I am so excited to be posting this....I feel like I did a little over 3 years ago when we found out we were adopting Martie.
Here goes....
We are adopting again!!!!!
Yes, you heard me correctly. God finally said it was time once again to add to our family. She is actually from our area and we know her really well. We know her situation and what she's been through. She just turned 14 in October. Yes, we weren't sure we wanted to do the whole teenage girl thing again....but I've learned that what we want and what God wants us to do are usually two different things.
She is such a sweet girl. She and Martie are already good friends, so the transition to sisters won't be a drastic change. The only difference is that they will fight more because they will live together.
We started our paperwork, fingerprints, and will be doing our physicals very soon. The tentative date for right now is February 17th/18th. (yep..right around my birthday!) There is a chance it could be sooner, but with the state and the way it went with Martie, I'll keep the Feb date in mind.
If the paperwork gets done in time, we may get to see her for New Years at my parents house, but again this is up to whether or not the paperwork gets done and they get things in line. They want it all done soon so we can start getting weekend visitation. That will be awesome. We get to talk to her on the phone as much as we want and if we are that direction, we get to visit her if we want. We just can't take her out of that place for a visit until all the stuff gets done.
It sounds really crazy, but we have been getting a much better response this time around. Not that people weren't excited that we were adopting Martie, but I think it was such unknown territory around us that people didn't know what to do. I also think they were worried about how two inexperienced parents were gonna do with a teenager. I guess we must be doing a good job, because people seem to know a little more how to act and that we will be just fine.
One really neat thing about it was that when we announced it at church, it actually gave me a feeling that I think is close to announcing to people that you're pregnant. I don't really remember with Martie how that was...but I think since it was all so unknown and new, the feelings of fear and anxiety clouded the excitement that I felt. This time I am able to just fully feel the excitement since we know the process.
So I finally get to announce one more time that we are "expecting"!!!!
Here goes....
We are adopting again!!!!!
Yes, you heard me correctly. God finally said it was time once again to add to our family. She is actually from our area and we know her really well. We know her situation and what she's been through. She just turned 14 in October. Yes, we weren't sure we wanted to do the whole teenage girl thing again....but I've learned that what we want and what God wants us to do are usually two different things.
She is such a sweet girl. She and Martie are already good friends, so the transition to sisters won't be a drastic change. The only difference is that they will fight more because they will live together.
We started our paperwork, fingerprints, and will be doing our physicals very soon. The tentative date for right now is February 17th/18th. (yep..right around my birthday!) There is a chance it could be sooner, but with the state and the way it went with Martie, I'll keep the Feb date in mind.
If the paperwork gets done in time, we may get to see her for New Years at my parents house, but again this is up to whether or not the paperwork gets done and they get things in line. They want it all done soon so we can start getting weekend visitation. That will be awesome. We get to talk to her on the phone as much as we want and if we are that direction, we get to visit her if we want. We just can't take her out of that place for a visit until all the stuff gets done.
It sounds really crazy, but we have been getting a much better response this time around. Not that people weren't excited that we were adopting Martie, but I think it was such unknown territory around us that people didn't know what to do. I also think they were worried about how two inexperienced parents were gonna do with a teenager. I guess we must be doing a good job, because people seem to know a little more how to act and that we will be just fine.
One really neat thing about it was that when we announced it at church, it actually gave me a feeling that I think is close to announcing to people that you're pregnant. I don't really remember with Martie how that was...but I think since it was all so unknown and new, the feelings of fear and anxiety clouded the excitement that I felt. This time I am able to just fully feel the excitement since we know the process.
So I finally get to announce one more time that we are "expecting"!!!!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Gluten-Free Thanksgiving
I've started my gluten-free Thanksgiving baking. I made cookies with chocolate toffee bits in them. I've baked chocolate chip banana bread. I have also made a loaf of sandwich bread, rolls, and bread dough to make into caramel rolls sometime this week. Oh....and I used some older gluten-free bread to make dried bread for stuffing.
I will be working on the pumpkin pies when I get there. I have gluten-free brownie mix and gluten-free rice krispies to make rice krispy treats.
I found my favorite bread mix. It comes in a green box...and I can't remember the name right now. But I had tried another kind of bread mix and the bread just fell apart after I baked it. But this one was an actual sandwich bread mix. I was able to bake it, let it cool, and then slice it pretty thin and it stayed together. So we will use that for Turkey sandwiches and toast this week.
I will eventually get my recipes on here, but I just had to share how much stuff I am able to do gluten-free. (it's pretty much everything really).
I'll keep ya'll posted on how well it all goes over. I'm hoping to get my family to eat one gluten-free meal with me just so they know that it's not all bad. There's nothing to be afraid of. I already got Martie's boyfriend, Neal to like the chocolate toffee cookies. Score one for this mommy!!!
Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving everyone!
I will be working on the pumpkin pies when I get there. I have gluten-free brownie mix and gluten-free rice krispies to make rice krispy treats.
I found my favorite bread mix. It comes in a green box...and I can't remember the name right now. But I had tried another kind of bread mix and the bread just fell apart after I baked it. But this one was an actual sandwich bread mix. I was able to bake it, let it cool, and then slice it pretty thin and it stayed together. So we will use that for Turkey sandwiches and toast this week.
I will eventually get my recipes on here, but I just had to share how much stuff I am able to do gluten-free. (it's pretty much everything really).
I'll keep ya'll posted on how well it all goes over. I'm hoping to get my family to eat one gluten-free meal with me just so they know that it's not all bad. There's nothing to be afraid of. I already got Martie's boyfriend, Neal to like the chocolate toffee cookies. Score one for this mommy!!!
Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving everyone!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Gluten-Free
I think I'm gonna (as well as posting inspiring stories) start posting about my gluten-free journey. I started it a couple months ago and then quit. But I started it again yesterday. I think it would be kinda fun to share recipes and tips about my favorite gluten-free products.
Like I said, I re-started this again yesterday. I weighed myself yesterday morning and then carefully monitored what I ate to make sure it was gluten-free. When I weighed myself this morning I had already lost 3 pounds. I was shocked! I really wasn't expecting it to work that fast.
I'm really excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas and have given myself a personal challenge to eat exactly what everyone else is eating...but make the gluten-free version.
For Thanksgiving:
I have a pie crust recipe and plan to make myself (and my daughter) a gluten-free pumpkin pie. We have gluten-free cream soups, so I will make us a green bean casserole. And don't forget the stuffing, rolls, and of course the gravy!!! My challenge is gonna be to make all these things for us, so we don't miss out on anything. Good thing the turkey is gluten-free...lol.
I will share how this goes as I make them...and I'll share how good (or not good) they were.
And here's my inspiration for you for the day:
From a strictly Mathematical Viewpoint:
What equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 101%? What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96%
but,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5=100%
AND, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4=101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
Like I said, I re-started this again yesterday. I weighed myself yesterday morning and then carefully monitored what I ate to make sure it was gluten-free. When I weighed myself this morning I had already lost 3 pounds. I was shocked! I really wasn't expecting it to work that fast.
I'm really excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas and have given myself a personal challenge to eat exactly what everyone else is eating...but make the gluten-free version.
For Thanksgiving:
I have a pie crust recipe and plan to make myself (and my daughter) a gluten-free pumpkin pie. We have gluten-free cream soups, so I will make us a green bean casserole. And don't forget the stuffing, rolls, and of course the gravy!!! My challenge is gonna be to make all these things for us, so we don't miss out on anything. Good thing the turkey is gluten-free...lol.
I will share how this goes as I make them...and I'll share how good (or not good) they were.
And here's my inspiration for you for the day:
From a strictly Mathematical Viewpoint:
What equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 101%? What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96%
but,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5=100%
AND, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4=101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
Monday, November 14, 2011
God said "NO"
So I decided to go through forwards I've gotten through e-mail and have printed out. I found a lot of very inspirational stories, poems, and other things. I'm always running out of ideas to make my blog more interesting, so I'm gonna start posting some of these periodically. They will reflect what is speaking to me at the moment...so you'll still get a glimpse of me through them. Here goes!!!
God said "NO"
I asked god to take away my habit.
God said, "No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up to me."
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, "No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary."
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, "No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned."
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, "No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you."
I asked God to spare me pain.
He said, "No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to Me."
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
He said, "No.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful."
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said. "No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all thigs."
I asked God to hel pme LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said, "...Ahhh, finally you have the idea."
"May the Lord bless youand keep you,
May the Lord make His face shine upon you,
and give you peace...Forever"
God said "NO"
I asked god to take away my habit.
God said, "No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up to me."
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, "No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary."
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, "No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned."
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, "No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you."
I asked God to spare me pain.
He said, "No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to Me."
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
He said, "No.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful."
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said. "No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all thigs."
I asked God to hel pme LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said, "...Ahhh, finally you have the idea."
"May the Lord bless youand keep you,
May the Lord make His face shine upon you,
and give you peace...Forever"
Thursday, November 10, 2011
My baby boy
Today I did one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I buried our most recent angel baby. We named him Isaac Samuel. I've had 8 miscarriages, but have never been able to actually bury our babies.
We picked out a nice little box to put his remains in and then I used a wooden recipe box to put that little box in along with cards and letters from us as his family.
He's not too far from us. There is a small tree in our backyard and I thought it was the perfect place for my sweet angel. I bought a cross marker that has his name and the date that he passed. I placed flowers by his tiny grave and a stone on top of his place of rest.
I know to most people, a miscarriage means nothing but a woman losing a pregnancy that would have one day been a baby....but to a woman who has had a miscarriage they are losing an actual baby. Someone they wanted to get to know and watch grow up. A woman already loves her baby from the moment that she finds out this tiny person is real. (aka...a positive pregnancy test).
I know most people think that life is supposed to just go on like normal, but I just can't do that. I have to grieve like any other person that loses a loved one. I made a good step today. I was able to get motivated to clean my house and do some work that I've been neglecting. I thought this was a great step in the right direction. I know that I can continue to move on because of today.
Sorry if this post seems too personal, but it's like I said...I am pretty sure it's just for my benefit anyway.
We picked out a nice little box to put his remains in and then I used a wooden recipe box to put that little box in along with cards and letters from us as his family.
He's not too far from us. There is a small tree in our backyard and I thought it was the perfect place for my sweet angel. I bought a cross marker that has his name and the date that he passed. I placed flowers by his tiny grave and a stone on top of his place of rest.
I know to most people, a miscarriage means nothing but a woman losing a pregnancy that would have one day been a baby....but to a woman who has had a miscarriage they are losing an actual baby. Someone they wanted to get to know and watch grow up. A woman already loves her baby from the moment that she finds out this tiny person is real. (aka...a positive pregnancy test).
I know most people think that life is supposed to just go on like normal, but I just can't do that. I have to grieve like any other person that loses a loved one. I made a good step today. I was able to get motivated to clean my house and do some work that I've been neglecting. I thought this was a great step in the right direction. I know that I can continue to move on because of today.
Sorry if this post seems too personal, but it's like I said...I am pretty sure it's just for my benefit anyway.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Battle Raging
I have found that I can pretty much say whatever I need to on here....I think I'm the only one who reads it. But it makes me feel better to get it out. So I guess here goes the post for myself.
I'm struggling today. I can feel a battle raging internally with me. I have negative feelings battling with positive feelings and I'm really not sure which ones I'm rooting for.
I would love to tell you that I want the positive feelings to win, but the negative feelings are so strong at this point that I just want to let them take over. But there's something that won't let me give in to them. And deep down, somewhere, I know that I can't let them win.
On one hand I'm trying to grieve with joy (how does that happen?) but yet I want to be angry with the world and with life. I want to give in and say that I am just not blessed like others....but then where is the promise of God in all that? I want to say that I have a great and wonderful purpose...but it seems as if all that I try, I fail at.
Can you see the battle raging? I know I need to fight for the positive, but I just can't see past the negative at this point.
I see so many others with tremendous gifts and talents. With so many friends that surround them. And then there's me. I sing...but with nowhere to sing, what's this gift for? I have a couple acquaintances and even a couple that I'd like to call close friends...but I don't have much in common with them. I'm the only one I know that does not know what it's like to be pregnant or have a baby or young child. All I know is a teenager...and even then, I have been ridiculed that we stepped out of God's will to adopt her.
Believe me...I want to believe all the good. But may I quote a movie that I really like? "The bad stuff is harder to believe." (Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman) Sometimes this is really how I feel.
I'm sorry that this is such a negative post...but until this battle is won, I'm stuck in the middle of the fight and I'm so tired. I'm so, so tired.
I'm struggling today. I can feel a battle raging internally with me. I have negative feelings battling with positive feelings and I'm really not sure which ones I'm rooting for.
I would love to tell you that I want the positive feelings to win, but the negative feelings are so strong at this point that I just want to let them take over. But there's something that won't let me give in to them. And deep down, somewhere, I know that I can't let them win.
On one hand I'm trying to grieve with joy (how does that happen?) but yet I want to be angry with the world and with life. I want to give in and say that I am just not blessed like others....but then where is the promise of God in all that? I want to say that I have a great and wonderful purpose...but it seems as if all that I try, I fail at.
Can you see the battle raging? I know I need to fight for the positive, but I just can't see past the negative at this point.
I see so many others with tremendous gifts and talents. With so many friends that surround them. And then there's me. I sing...but with nowhere to sing, what's this gift for? I have a couple acquaintances and even a couple that I'd like to call close friends...but I don't have much in common with them. I'm the only one I know that does not know what it's like to be pregnant or have a baby or young child. All I know is a teenager...and even then, I have been ridiculed that we stepped out of God's will to adopt her.
Believe me...I want to believe all the good. But may I quote a movie that I really like? "The bad stuff is harder to believe." (Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman) Sometimes this is really how I feel.
I'm sorry that this is such a negative post...but until this battle is won, I'm stuck in the middle of the fight and I'm so tired. I'm so, so tired.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
When I Grow Up
I've been wondering a lot today what I want to be when I grow up. Yes, I know, I'm almost 30 so shouldn't I be grown up enough? Obviously not. I feel so restless where we are. I love people in our community, I really like my job, and I love having a house that we don't pay rent or payments on....but I just want more.
I feel like we go through everyday just "getting by" and that doesn't seem right. Ok, so we can't have a baby...now what? Ok, so the system won't let us adopt again...now what? We feel excluded from our community...and to be honest I have only 1 real close friend here...and we only have time for once a week or even once every two weeks. I usually get away and get my "different life" fix by going to eastern Kansas...but I don't even have time to do that lately. And to be honest when I call them I've found that they are usually busy and don't have time to chat...so I kinda quit making the effort.
I have started a new relationship with someone who I've found I can call at 3:00 am and she will answer and let me cry. In fact for awhile we were chatting about twice a day. I love having someone to talk to when I need them...but then I feel so guilty that it kills that too. I just don't have answers.
I really, really need something more in my life right now, but I can't figure out what it is. Am I restless? Is there a hole somewhere in my life that needs filled? What's up? Why don't I feel like my life is being fulfilled? I've been searching in different places to see what it is that I need. I've tried getting organized...doesn't make me feel any better, just more organized. I've tried doing more things for Scott and Martie. Things such as making better meals, keeping the cupboards stocked better, getting the dishes done sooner...but I'm just getting filled up with good food.
So, my question still goes unanswered....What am I supposed to be when I grow up?
I feel like we go through everyday just "getting by" and that doesn't seem right. Ok, so we can't have a baby...now what? Ok, so the system won't let us adopt again...now what? We feel excluded from our community...and to be honest I have only 1 real close friend here...and we only have time for once a week or even once every two weeks. I usually get away and get my "different life" fix by going to eastern Kansas...but I don't even have time to do that lately. And to be honest when I call them I've found that they are usually busy and don't have time to chat...so I kinda quit making the effort.
I have started a new relationship with someone who I've found I can call at 3:00 am and she will answer and let me cry. In fact for awhile we were chatting about twice a day. I love having someone to talk to when I need them...but then I feel so guilty that it kills that too. I just don't have answers.
I really, really need something more in my life right now, but I can't figure out what it is. Am I restless? Is there a hole somewhere in my life that needs filled? What's up? Why don't I feel like my life is being fulfilled? I've been searching in different places to see what it is that I need. I've tried getting organized...doesn't make me feel any better, just more organized. I've tried doing more things for Scott and Martie. Things such as making better meals, keeping the cupboards stocked better, getting the dishes done sooner...but I'm just getting filled up with good food.
So, my question still goes unanswered....What am I supposed to be when I grow up?
Friday, September 30, 2011
Moments
What else can I call this post? There are just moments in life that you can't put in a title. Some are good, some are bad, and some you just can't define. How do you label a moment when you are sad, but can't be sad for the person you are sad about? I know, doesn't make much sense. Let me get it out.
We are re-arranging our basement (and putting part of our upstairs, downstairs to rid the clutter upstairs). So I am moving all my scrapbooking stuff. I get to my table tonight and right on the top of everything is the last papers I put on the table to file away for scrapbooking...eventually. What is it? It's the program from my Grandma Pollock's funeral. While I can go most days without getting emotional about it, mostly because she lived 16 hours away and I tend to pretend I just haven't spoken to her in awhile, tonight hit me hard. I looked at the verses spoken, poems read, and songs sung....and it hit me. My Grandma is not here to speak with. I know it's not good-bye forever, just "see ya later" but it hit me that I don't know when I will get to see her again.
I have 3 Grandpas up in heaven, but Grandma JoAnn was the first Grandma that I lost. I know she loved me, and I loved her. Maybe that's why it's hard...the first of something is always hard.
I don't know if it's biblical to think this way, but I tend to feel that she's with me a lot of the time. I imagine that she's watching over me. And with as many butterflies as I see, it's got to be true. When I see one, I usually say hi to it, as if talking to her. Yes, label me crazy, but I do it. I did something similar (and still do) with my Grandpa Pollock. When I'm singing in the van I pretend he's in there with me listening...so I always try to sing my best.
I guess I just had a moment that I missed her like crazy. (ok...it's been an emotional night for other things too)
So I guess my next scrapbook project will be to get the page done for my Grandma. I think it will be good therapy.
And God, can you please tell my Grandma that I love her and miss her? Give her a hug for me. Oh...and don't forget Grandpa. Tell him it's from his "Melissa Dawn".
Here's a poem that was found in my Grandma's Bible and was read at her funeral. I feel the need to hold on to it dearly.
ON THE TWENTY THIRD PSALM
"In pastures green"? Not always; sometimes He who knoweth best, in kindness leadeth me in weary ways where heavy shadows be.
And "by still waters"? No, not always so; ofttimes around me the heavy tempests round me blow, and o'er my soul the waves and billows go.
But when the storm beats loudest and I cry aloud for help, the Master standeth by, and whispers to my soul, "Lo, it is I".
So where He leads me, I can safely go, and in the blest hereafter I shall know, why, in His wisdom, he hath led me so.
We are re-arranging our basement (and putting part of our upstairs, downstairs to rid the clutter upstairs). So I am moving all my scrapbooking stuff. I get to my table tonight and right on the top of everything is the last papers I put on the table to file away for scrapbooking...eventually. What is it? It's the program from my Grandma Pollock's funeral. While I can go most days without getting emotional about it, mostly because she lived 16 hours away and I tend to pretend I just haven't spoken to her in awhile, tonight hit me hard. I looked at the verses spoken, poems read, and songs sung....and it hit me. My Grandma is not here to speak with. I know it's not good-bye forever, just "see ya later" but it hit me that I don't know when I will get to see her again.
I have 3 Grandpas up in heaven, but Grandma JoAnn was the first Grandma that I lost. I know she loved me, and I loved her. Maybe that's why it's hard...the first of something is always hard.
I don't know if it's biblical to think this way, but I tend to feel that she's with me a lot of the time. I imagine that she's watching over me. And with as many butterflies as I see, it's got to be true. When I see one, I usually say hi to it, as if talking to her. Yes, label me crazy, but I do it. I did something similar (and still do) with my Grandpa Pollock. When I'm singing in the van I pretend he's in there with me listening...so I always try to sing my best.
I guess I just had a moment that I missed her like crazy. (ok...it's been an emotional night for other things too)
So I guess my next scrapbook project will be to get the page done for my Grandma. I think it will be good therapy.
And God, can you please tell my Grandma that I love her and miss her? Give her a hug for me. Oh...and don't forget Grandpa. Tell him it's from his "Melissa Dawn".
Here's a poem that was found in my Grandma's Bible and was read at her funeral. I feel the need to hold on to it dearly.
ON THE TWENTY THIRD PSALM
"In pastures green"? Not always; sometimes He who knoweth best, in kindness leadeth me in weary ways where heavy shadows be.
And "by still waters"? No, not always so; ofttimes around me the heavy tempests round me blow, and o'er my soul the waves and billows go.
But when the storm beats loudest and I cry aloud for help, the Master standeth by, and whispers to my soul, "Lo, it is I".
So where He leads me, I can safely go, and in the blest hereafter I shall know, why, in His wisdom, he hath led me so.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
"Prepare"
At the beginning of this year my husband and I got a very familiar message from God. We got the same message at the beginning of the year that Scott found out about his eye cancer. The message was one word long and the word is a pretty simple one..."Prepare."
Seems easy enough, right? The two times that God has given us this message, we have no idea what's coming, we have just learned that it means, "Hold on tight to Me(God) and the truths I have taught you." We found out this summer what prepare meant this time....so I'll give it to you in the shortest version I know.
It started out in the spring with my dad getting very sick. We weren't sure what it was and the dr's were baffled because they thought it was his gall bladder but found out it wasn't. My dad was convinced it was stomach cancer. We just knew he was very sick. Finally after weeks of suffering with throwing up, sleepless nights and lots of pain. He was finally diagnosed with an ulcer. He is now on meds and a special diet (I'm pretty sure he's taking the meds....can't say how the diet is going).
With that behind us we planned for our summer. It was gonna be a good one with lots of fun times. We went on vacation at the end of May/beginning of June to Minnesota and South Dakota. It was awesome.
While on our vacation we get a phone call that my dad was in an accident. I can't give details, but it was not just a fender/bender. He's ok, but very shaken up. We are ok as long as he's ok. Again, time to move on in life.
We get back from vacation and start our "real" summer vacation at home. That is until the middle of June. I'm outside practicing for an upcoming concert (without my phone). Martie runs outside yelling, "Michael and Destinee were in an accident!" Thinking it couldn't be that bad or we would have gotten an emergency phone call (hmm...phone was inside...??), I call my mom and ask what's going on.
She tells me that they've been trying to call and that yes, Michael and Destinee were in an accident. That Taydem wasn't with them and that they don't know any details except that a first-responder called them and told them to get here asap.
I go into panic mode. Then a person that knows Michael and Desi comes over and shares with me that she just found out they are life-watching my brother to Wichita, but still no details.
To make a long story short, my brother and his wife were in a very serious accident where they were both thrown out of the vehicle. Their son was not with them (and we ended up taking care of him for a short while). Both of them ended up being flown to Wichita. Many broken bones and a few surgeries for both of them. They are currently at home and as far as I know now, my brother is doing well and Desi is making progress but still not fully recovered (will take awhile).
Ok, that's enough to make you go, "wow! What a summer!" But I'm not done yet. Shortly after the accident a situation with my dads accident brings that one all back up again (sorry, can't share details). This summer has not been good on my dad's ulcer.
I did have one good hospital visit so far this summer. My sister-in-law had my nephew Chaseton. He's such a cutie and looks just like his dad. He's one of the bright and sunny moments of our summer.
Not too long after this, a member of my husbands family finds out they have cancer....not sharing any other details at this moment. And all the while Scott's dad has had hip issues from a previous hip replacement. He's planning to have a surgery at some point to fix things.
Things are going well, I'm thinking it's all looking up. I'm at work one day and since all is going well, I don't have my phone with me (it's in my purse). The store phone rings. It's my mom to tell me that my Grandma from Minnesota has passed away suddenly. So, we pack up quick and leave the next day for Minnesota where I sing at my grandma's funeral.
Did I mention that on the way up to Minnesota we visited my father-in-law in the hospital because he just (the day my grandma passed away) had his surgery on his hip. Unfortunately, when the dr does the surgery he finds that it's very infected and he has to clean it up instead of just fixing the hip. But all is well, they cleaned it out, he'll stay a few days in the hospital and then be ok till they can do another hip replacement.
Get back from Minnesota and the same day we get home I have a concert. We find out that my father-in-law is not doing well and has developed pneumonia. Within a day he's in icu and not breathing well on his own. He does eventually have a breathing tube in so he can actually breathe. My husband spends a couple days at the hospital with his family helping to get his dad better.
Well, his dad got better, got the breathing tube out, is out of icu and at another hospital in the town he lives in. He's recovering as we speak and looking better everyday.
And so far, that's our summer. I'm really looking forward to school starting. And I'll be honest, the next time I hear God say, "Prepare" you can bet I'll be preparing much better than I did the last two times.
Seems easy enough, right? The two times that God has given us this message, we have no idea what's coming, we have just learned that it means, "Hold on tight to Me(God) and the truths I have taught you." We found out this summer what prepare meant this time....so I'll give it to you in the shortest version I know.
It started out in the spring with my dad getting very sick. We weren't sure what it was and the dr's were baffled because they thought it was his gall bladder but found out it wasn't. My dad was convinced it was stomach cancer. We just knew he was very sick. Finally after weeks of suffering with throwing up, sleepless nights and lots of pain. He was finally diagnosed with an ulcer. He is now on meds and a special diet (I'm pretty sure he's taking the meds....can't say how the diet is going).
With that behind us we planned for our summer. It was gonna be a good one with lots of fun times. We went on vacation at the end of May/beginning of June to Minnesota and South Dakota. It was awesome.
While on our vacation we get a phone call that my dad was in an accident. I can't give details, but it was not just a fender/bender. He's ok, but very shaken up. We are ok as long as he's ok. Again, time to move on in life.
We get back from vacation and start our "real" summer vacation at home. That is until the middle of June. I'm outside practicing for an upcoming concert (without my phone). Martie runs outside yelling, "Michael and Destinee were in an accident!" Thinking it couldn't be that bad or we would have gotten an emergency phone call (hmm...phone was inside...??), I call my mom and ask what's going on.
She tells me that they've been trying to call and that yes, Michael and Destinee were in an accident. That Taydem wasn't with them and that they don't know any details except that a first-responder called them and told them to get here asap.
I go into panic mode. Then a person that knows Michael and Desi comes over and shares with me that she just found out they are life-watching my brother to Wichita, but still no details.
To make a long story short, my brother and his wife were in a very serious accident where they were both thrown out of the vehicle. Their son was not with them (and we ended up taking care of him for a short while). Both of them ended up being flown to Wichita. Many broken bones and a few surgeries for both of them. They are currently at home and as far as I know now, my brother is doing well and Desi is making progress but still not fully recovered (will take awhile).
Ok, that's enough to make you go, "wow! What a summer!" But I'm not done yet. Shortly after the accident a situation with my dads accident brings that one all back up again (sorry, can't share details). This summer has not been good on my dad's ulcer.
I did have one good hospital visit so far this summer. My sister-in-law had my nephew Chaseton. He's such a cutie and looks just like his dad. He's one of the bright and sunny moments of our summer.
Not too long after this, a member of my husbands family finds out they have cancer....not sharing any other details at this moment. And all the while Scott's dad has had hip issues from a previous hip replacement. He's planning to have a surgery at some point to fix things.
Things are going well, I'm thinking it's all looking up. I'm at work one day and since all is going well, I don't have my phone with me (it's in my purse). The store phone rings. It's my mom to tell me that my Grandma from Minnesota has passed away suddenly. So, we pack up quick and leave the next day for Minnesota where I sing at my grandma's funeral.
Did I mention that on the way up to Minnesota we visited my father-in-law in the hospital because he just (the day my grandma passed away) had his surgery on his hip. Unfortunately, when the dr does the surgery he finds that it's very infected and he has to clean it up instead of just fixing the hip. But all is well, they cleaned it out, he'll stay a few days in the hospital and then be ok till they can do another hip replacement.
Get back from Minnesota and the same day we get home I have a concert. We find out that my father-in-law is not doing well and has developed pneumonia. Within a day he's in icu and not breathing well on his own. He does eventually have a breathing tube in so he can actually breathe. My husband spends a couple days at the hospital with his family helping to get his dad better.
Well, his dad got better, got the breathing tube out, is out of icu and at another hospital in the town he lives in. He's recovering as we speak and looking better everyday.
And so far, that's our summer. I'm really looking forward to school starting. And I'll be honest, the next time I hear God say, "Prepare" you can bet I'll be preparing much better than I did the last two times.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Day 6 (of 31)
So it's time for day 6 (two days in a row is good for me). I noticed that my day 5 post, posted on the date that I saved it and forgot to post it. So if you didn't see it, go back and look at it in my March posts. But hopefully, I will be better now about posting on a regular basis.
Today's post is really hard. I've been thinking about skipping it (or making up a new one). Forgive me that my final decision was to just go ahead with the original day 6. I promise I did not decide to do this because I want pity or to make anyone feel bad. Please remember that I have made peace with my life and what God has chosen to do with it. I guess before you go crazy, here goes:
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
This is my sister-in-law...and I only used her because she's the only one I have a picture of while pregnant. (sorry Tanna!)
I would trade places with a pregnant woman for a day. To feel a small human being kicking and moving inside my body would feel so miraculous. But I DO NOT have to have this experience to have joy in life. I choose to have joy in all things because it is God that is leading my life. He knows what's best (even when it hurts a little).
Today's post is really hard. I've been thinking about skipping it (or making up a new one). Forgive me that my final decision was to just go ahead with the original day 6. I promise I did not decide to do this because I want pity or to make anyone feel bad. Please remember that I have made peace with my life and what God has chosen to do with it. I guess before you go crazy, here goes:
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
This is my sister-in-law...and I only used her because she's the only one I have a picture of while pregnant. (sorry Tanna!)
I would trade places with a pregnant woman for a day. To feel a small human being kicking and moving inside my body would feel so miraculous. But I DO NOT have to have this experience to have joy in life. I choose to have joy in all things because it is God that is leading my life. He knows what's best (even when it hurts a little).
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Venting
I just have to vent. There is only one thing that I am not liking about being an adoptive parent. It's not my daughter, it's not the things she does, it's not even where she's been in her life. The thing I don't like is the birth family...or some of them. No, it's pretty much all of them. My daughter is no longer theirs (the story is not important). We chose her, we wanted her, we've worked with her and been through hell with her (sorry for the language). So I get a little peeved when a birth family member thinks they have the right to try and brainwash my daughter or to try and "fix" what supposedly wasn't the birth family's fault. Ok, the past is over-with. The birth parents don't have legal rights, we do. I have the new birth certificate to prove it....so butt out.
I was asked today if when my daughter turns 18, if she's released. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN! Is it not the general rule that at 18, a child turns into an adult. Old enough to make their own choices. In a word they are "released". Why should it be different? Except that I know what was meant by that...."is she released to go from your child to our child again?" Hello! I do not plan on going through hell raising her and getting her to overcome her past, just to give her back to those who did this to her. I mean do I have "idiot" written on my forehead?
I'm sorry...I just had to vent. It's my mommy instinct. I am protective of my daughter. The only person I will share her with (besides Scott) is God. She belongs to Him first and foremost....and He gave her to us. TO US!!! Get it through your head. I love her as if she was from my own body. I want the best for her (even if she gets mad at us for decisions we make for her).
Adoption is a beautiful thing..I think it's miraculous. I am sure now that I would not do well with an open adoption. But if it was fully closed, I would choose to adopt again. It's all up to God.
I guess since we had prom last night I do need some sleep....cause I was the parent waiting in the living room dozing on the couch. I might be more upset because I'm tired. So I'll leave you with my venting and a promise that I'll post pics of prom and my beautiful daughter and her date (he seems like a pretty good guy).
I was asked today if when my daughter turns 18, if she's released. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN! Is it not the general rule that at 18, a child turns into an adult. Old enough to make their own choices. In a word they are "released". Why should it be different? Except that I know what was meant by that...."is she released to go from your child to our child again?" Hello! I do not plan on going through hell raising her and getting her to overcome her past, just to give her back to those who did this to her. I mean do I have "idiot" written on my forehead?
I'm sorry...I just had to vent. It's my mommy instinct. I am protective of my daughter. The only person I will share her with (besides Scott) is God. She belongs to Him first and foremost....and He gave her to us. TO US!!! Get it through your head. I love her as if she was from my own body. I want the best for her (even if she gets mad at us for decisions we make for her).
Adoption is a beautiful thing..I think it's miraculous. I am sure now that I would not do well with an open adoption. But if it was fully closed, I would choose to adopt again. It's all up to God.
I guess since we had prom last night I do need some sleep....cause I was the parent waiting in the living room dozing on the couch. I might be more upset because I'm tired. So I'll leave you with my venting and a promise that I'll post pics of prom and my beautiful daughter and her date (he seems like a pretty good guy).
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
New Song...again
Ok, yes I know I had a really long break (and I still have to continue with my 31 day thing). It's been a weird, strange week (and some odd days). But I have to share this song that I found tonight. I've heard this song before, but I've never really "heard" this song. Scott and I decided I need to add it to my song list (of songs I sing of course...lol). So it's now gonna be on the Stevens Park list. It's also on my playlest below..so enjoy!
We Can (by LeAnn Rimes)
They'll try to stop the dream we're dreamin'
But they can't stop us from believing
They will fill your head with doubt
But that won't stop us now
So let them say we can't do it
Put up a road block
We'll just run right through it.. Cause...
We can, do the impossible
We have the power in our hands
And we won't stop 'cause we've got
To make a difference in this life
With one voice, one heart, two hands, we can
They say the odds are stacked against us
But that can't hold us back, we will be relentless
There's a voice they're gonna hear
A voice so loud and clear
So let them say we can't do it, give us a mountain,
and we're gonna move it.. cause..
We can, do the impossible
We have the power in our hands, and we won't stop
Cause we've got to make a difference in this life
With one voice, one heart, Two hands, we can
We're gonna make a change today (make a change today)
Because we've got the faith it takes
To win this race, so let them say we can't do it
Put up a road block
And we'll just run right through it cuz..
We can, do the impossible
We have the power in our hands and we won't stop
Cos we've got to make a difference in this life
With one voice, one heart Two hands, we can
I can (oh I can)
Do the impossible (do the impossible)
I have the power in my hands, and I won't stop
Cause I've got to make a difference in this life
With my one voice, one heart, two hands, we ca
We Can (by LeAnn Rimes)
They'll try to stop the dream we're dreamin'
But they can't stop us from believing
They will fill your head with doubt
But that won't stop us now
So let them say we can't do it
Put up a road block
We'll just run right through it.. Cause...
We can, do the impossible
We have the power in our hands
And we won't stop 'cause we've got
To make a difference in this life
With one voice, one heart, two hands, we can
They say the odds are stacked against us
But that can't hold us back, we will be relentless
There's a voice they're gonna hear
A voice so loud and clear
So let them say we can't do it, give us a mountain,
and we're gonna move it.. cause..
We can, do the impossible
We have the power in our hands, and we won't stop
Cause we've got to make a difference in this life
With one voice, one heart, Two hands, we can
We're gonna make a change today (make a change today)
Because we've got the faith it takes
To win this race, so let them say we can't do it
Put up a road block
And we'll just run right through it cuz..
We can, do the impossible
We have the power in our hands and we won't stop
Cos we've got to make a difference in this life
With one voice, one heart Two hands, we can
I can (oh I can)
Do the impossible (do the impossible)
I have the power in my hands, and I won't stop
Cause I've got to make a difference in this life
With my one voice, one heart, two hands, we ca
Monday, March 21, 2011
Day 5 (of 31)
Day 5, except that it should be like day....I don't know. Life got a hold of me...it got busy...and I kind of quit blogging (for the most part). I've had some issues that have had my attention. I've been worrying, stressing, and trying to cope. It's all good (and no I have not blogged about these issues). So I will start again with my 31 days starting with day 5. Here goes:
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
I have so many favorite memories. But I guess I'll say that my wedding day is at the top of my list. It's the day I married the best man in the whole world, and I've never regretted it. Even when times got tough. We are going to renew our vows at our 10 year anniversary, which will be in 2013. I can't believe that's only 2 years away. I can't wait to wear my wedding dress again, and make renew my vows publicly one more time. I fall more and more in love with this wonderful man everyday.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
I have so many favorite memories. But I guess I'll say that my wedding day is at the top of my list. It's the day I married the best man in the whole world, and I've never regretted it. Even when times got tough. We are going to renew our vows at our 10 year anniversary, which will be in 2013. I can't believe that's only 2 years away. I can't wait to wear my wedding dress again, and make renew my vows publicly one more time. I fall more and more in love with this wonderful man everyday.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Day 4 (of 31)
Day 04 A picture of your night.
This is a picture of me sleeping with my puppy. This is what I do at night. My puppy, Spencer always sleeps with me. He's my baby, and he's way too spoiled. My big german shepherd, Krissi, will sometimes lay with me in bed, but not often....only when Scott's not in bed.
This is a picture of me sleeping with my puppy. This is what I do at night. My puppy, Spencer always sleeps with me. He's my baby, and he's way too spoiled. My big german shepherd, Krissi, will sometimes lay with me in bed, but not often....only when Scott's not in bed.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Day 3 (of 31)
This one was hard, because I have a few favorite shows.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Umm.....let's see. I have a few favorite shows...I'll narrow it down to three.
Saved By the Bell
Full House
NCIS
Ok, I cried when she died on the show (not the actress) and I miss Kate. She was replaced by Zeva. As of this weekend I got further in the shows, and now there's another character change that literally made me cry. I'm totally way too addicted.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Umm.....let's see. I have a few favorite shows...I'll narrow it down to three.
Saved By the Bell
Full House
NCIS
Ok, I cried when she died on the show (not the actress) and I miss Kate. She was replaced by Zeva. As of this weekend I got further in the shows, and now there's another character change that literally made me cry. I'm totally way too addicted.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Heaven is for Real
I read a book last night and this morning. It amazed and excited me. I reccomend it to everyone to read. The title of my post is the title of the book.
It's about a little boy of almost 4 years old who has a ruptured appendix and goes to heaven while during surgery. His dad wrote the book and shared what his son told him in the year or so after this event happened. The details the little boy gives are just amazing. He's so young to know some of these things...but there is scripture to back up pretty much what he says about what he saw in Heaven.
I won't share everything of the book, because you just have to read it. And it's a very simple read that is so full of child-like faith.
To read about what was seen in Heaven...the way he describes things. I understand my family doesn't want to lose me, and deep down I don't want to leave them...but I'm so ready to get to heaven. The little boy talked about seeing loved ones, seeing some kinds of animals (including dogs...I was glad about that) and described God and Jesus...even Jesus' cousin (John the Baptist).
What really got me was this boys mom had a miscarriage in between his sister and him (at 2 months along). His parents never shared this with him. He told them one day that he had met his other sister and that she looked like the mom. She was excited to see him and waiting for everyone to get there. But that because she died before her parents knew her gender or anything, she didn't have a name. This is my promise to see my children in heaven! Hallelujah!
This just proves that heaven is real, that God is real. To deny it is just plain ignorance.
Do you know that you will get to this place called Heaven? Do you question at all? I suggest that you find God, accept Christ's gift of eternal life so you can spend eternity with Him and with me (and my family).
I guess all there is left for me to say is...."Amen".
It's about a little boy of almost 4 years old who has a ruptured appendix and goes to heaven while during surgery. His dad wrote the book and shared what his son told him in the year or so after this event happened. The details the little boy gives are just amazing. He's so young to know some of these things...but there is scripture to back up pretty much what he says about what he saw in Heaven.
I won't share everything of the book, because you just have to read it. And it's a very simple read that is so full of child-like faith.
To read about what was seen in Heaven...the way he describes things. I understand my family doesn't want to lose me, and deep down I don't want to leave them...but I'm so ready to get to heaven. The little boy talked about seeing loved ones, seeing some kinds of animals (including dogs...I was glad about that) and described God and Jesus...even Jesus' cousin (John the Baptist).
What really got me was this boys mom had a miscarriage in between his sister and him (at 2 months along). His parents never shared this with him. He told them one day that he had met his other sister and that she looked like the mom. She was excited to see him and waiting for everyone to get there. But that because she died before her parents knew her gender or anything, she didn't have a name. This is my promise to see my children in heaven! Hallelujah!
This just proves that heaven is real, that God is real. To deny it is just plain ignorance.
Do you know that you will get to this place called Heaven? Do you question at all? I suggest that you find God, accept Christ's gift of eternal life so you can spend eternity with Him and with me (and my family).
I guess all there is left for me to say is...."Amen".
Day 2 (of 31)
Ok, day 2 and so far so good. I'm so excited to be doing this. It's fun to look through pictures and try to decide what I want to use. Today's was hard to find because the person I needed a picture of, I don't have many pictures of him. But I found one from a few years ago that works. He hasn't changed a whole lot in looks.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
*pictured here with my niece Jaelyn. This was taken in Minnesota when my Grandpa passed away (don't worry, more about him later)
This is my dad. He's always been there for me, even when I wasn't a “good” girl. He's been the best example of God's love that you can find on earth. He's not perfect, trust me. But I love him so much. I remember when I was little he would come home from work and I would run to him yelling, "daddy, daddy pick me up!" And he would pick me up and love on me. The older he gets...and the more grandchildren, I see so much of my grandpa in my dad. He is the new "Grandpa Pollock". My grandpa would be so proud of him.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
*pictured here with my niece Jaelyn. This was taken in Minnesota when my Grandpa passed away (don't worry, more about him later)
This is my dad. He's always been there for me, even when I wasn't a “good” girl. He's been the best example of God's love that you can find on earth. He's not perfect, trust me. But I love him so much. I remember when I was little he would come home from work and I would run to him yelling, "daddy, daddy pick me up!" And he would pick me up and love on me. The older he gets...and the more grandchildren, I see so much of my grandpa in my dad. He is the new "Grandpa Pollock". My grandpa would be so proud of him.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Day 1 (of 31)
Day 1 down, 30 more to go! I can do this. Would you believe that I just spent an hour looking for the flash drive that I keep all my pictures on? I was totally panicked, but I found it. I was gonna totally go off on someone if it was missing...it has ALL of our pictures on it. But it's all good, no need to worry now. And I will keep it in a safe place from now on.
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts
ps...the picture is of me around my 28th birthday (2010) with my family at Red Lobster. fact #1/2: I love crab legs and shrimp!
1) I'm 29 years old (with an almost 16 year old daughter...does this make sense...lol)
2) When I'm nervous or anxious I bite my fingernails down to nubs (they actually hurt and will bleed at times)
3) I have not yet conquered the fiddle (sorry if you wanted to hear "Orange Blossom Special")
4) I have like a million siblings....no, just 7. But I only count 5 of them on a regular basis. I also have sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law that make the count up to...well, I run out of fingers to count..lol.
5) I love to make people laugh...even if it means it's a little at my expense. I don't let them laugh at me, they laugh with me.
6) I have 2 dogs and a cat. And my doggies are my babies. My smallest, youngest dog is the baby, and he's treated like one. (The cat is Scott's "cancer" cat)
7) Along with the siblings I have 4 nieces and 4 nephews...wait, one more nephew on the way. I guess boys now outnumber the girls!
8) I work at a grocery store and I love it so much. I love to see people on the days I work, to greet them with a smile and hopefully make them feel a little better. I will also admit I love to clean and organize the shelves...am I OCD or what?
9) I've been married for 7 1/2 years (that long already...lol)
10) Oh, I gotta make this one good...it's the last one...umm...I hate cleaning. Seriously, I hate it. Sometimes I wish it would go away, or I could just give it up...but I continue because it's what I gotta do.
So that's a little bit of me.
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts
ps...the picture is of me around my 28th birthday (2010) with my family at Red Lobster. fact #1/2: I love crab legs and shrimp!
1) I'm 29 years old (with an almost 16 year old daughter...does this make sense...lol)
2) When I'm nervous or anxious I bite my fingernails down to nubs (they actually hurt and will bleed at times)
3) I have not yet conquered the fiddle (sorry if you wanted to hear "Orange Blossom Special")
4) I have like a million siblings....no, just 7. But I only count 5 of them on a regular basis. I also have sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law that make the count up to...well, I run out of fingers to count..lol.
5) I love to make people laugh...even if it means it's a little at my expense. I don't let them laugh at me, they laugh with me.
6) I have 2 dogs and a cat. And my doggies are my babies. My smallest, youngest dog is the baby, and he's treated like one. (The cat is Scott's "cancer" cat)
7) Along with the siblings I have 4 nieces and 4 nephews...wait, one more nephew on the way. I guess boys now outnumber the girls!
8) I work at a grocery store and I love it so much. I love to see people on the days I work, to greet them with a smile and hopefully make them feel a little better. I will also admit I love to clean and organize the shelves...am I OCD or what?
9) I've been married for 7 1/2 years (that long already...lol)
10) Oh, I gotta make this one good...it's the last one...umm...I hate cleaning. Seriously, I hate it. Sometimes I wish it would go away, or I could just give it up...but I continue because it's what I gotta do.
So that's a little bit of me.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
31 days
Ok, so I did ok with the week-long thing. Let's see if I can do something that's 31 days long. Hopefully I'll do a little better. There's a "game" going on facebook that a bunch of my friends have been doing. It's a 31 day challenge with pictures and facts about a person. I thought it would be fun to do...but do it on my blog. So I'll do it and see how it goes. I am gonna do some research and figure out what to do each day with the questions it asks....so I'll start tomorrow (spoken like a true procrastinator...lol)
I hope it is fun for you to follow and fun for me to share.
God bless you!
Love ya'!
Ok, so I'll fill you in on what to look forward to (I wasn't going to, but I will anyway). Here's what I'll be doing for the next 31 days:
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of your night
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messing up things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
Day 19 - A picture and a letter
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 - A picture of your day
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss
Day 31 - A picture of yourself
I hope it is fun for you to follow and fun for me to share.
God bless you!
Love ya'!
Ok, so I'll fill you in on what to look forward to (I wasn't going to, but I will anyway). Here's what I'll be doing for the next 31 days:
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of your night
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messing up things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
Day 19 - A picture and a letter
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 - A picture of your day
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss
Day 31 - A picture of yourself
Saturday, March 12, 2011
The next song
Ok, so I'm cheating a little. I'm going to post a song for yesterday and today combined. I kind of got busy yesterday and didn't get the song posted. I had it picked and everything. It's one that we have on our mp3 player. I love it. I have to explain before you see the lyrics...this song describes me exactly. It's about moving on from the past and letting go of things that you don't need to hang on to. It's one of my "lifesongs". I hope you enjoy it...and know that I've taken the lyrics to heart and I try to live by them. I have to do a link if you wanna listen to it because they don't have it to put on my playlist.
the youtube link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLMXKWVgocc
I'm Done (by Tracy Lawrence)
Life hit me when I wasn't looking
It dealt me a hard hand to play
I felt betrayed and forsaken
But I been makin' the wrong people pay
I'm Done... I'm Done...
I've spent my last night in that prison
Where anger and pride were the bars
Hey I'm here to tell ya' I'm makin peace with the past
And I'm not ashamed of my scars,
But I'm done...
I'm done harbouring grudges and nursing old wounds
done clinging to grudges and singing the blues
I'm done pointing fingers at everyone else
I'm taking a long hard look at myself
A new day has begun ... And I'm done
I called up somebody who'd hurt me
We finally settled the score
I had a right to be bitter
Revenge would've been sweet
But foregiveness is what ended that war
I'm starting to see the big picture
These days i'm gettin' high off of that
No more killin' my pain with a three day binge
That train has run out of track
I'm done...
I'm done harboring grudges and nursing old wounds
done clinging to grudges and singing the blues
I'm done pointing fingers at everyone else
I'm taking a long hard look at myself
I'm spending more time with the people I love
The ones that will cry at my funeral
And i'm done feelin' hopeless no I'm not going there
I'm greeting each morning with a smile and a prayer
A new day has begun ... A new day has begun ... A new day has begun
the youtube link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLMXKWVgocc
I'm Done (by Tracy Lawrence)
Life hit me when I wasn't looking
It dealt me a hard hand to play
I felt betrayed and forsaken
But I been makin' the wrong people pay
I'm Done... I'm Done...
I've spent my last night in that prison
Where anger and pride were the bars
Hey I'm here to tell ya' I'm makin peace with the past
And I'm not ashamed of my scars,
But I'm done...
I'm done harbouring grudges and nursing old wounds
done clinging to grudges and singing the blues
I'm done pointing fingers at everyone else
I'm taking a long hard look at myself
A new day has begun ... And I'm done
I called up somebody who'd hurt me
We finally settled the score
I had a right to be bitter
Revenge would've been sweet
But foregiveness is what ended that war
I'm starting to see the big picture
These days i'm gettin' high off of that
No more killin' my pain with a three day binge
That train has run out of track
I'm done...
I'm done harboring grudges and nursing old wounds
done clinging to grudges and singing the blues
I'm done pointing fingers at everyone else
I'm taking a long hard look at myself
I'm spending more time with the people I love
The ones that will cry at my funeral
And i'm done feelin' hopeless no I'm not going there
I'm greeting each morning with a smile and a prayer
A new day has begun ... A new day has begun ... A new day has begun
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Song number 4 (on day 5)
Ok, I heard this song on the radio today. I hadn't heard it for awhile, and I love it. The guy is singing about a girl, but I really think that if you change the baby, and girl parts to God, it works as a Christian song. It's on the playlist and here are the lyrics. Enjoy!
Wave On Wave
Mile upon mile got no direction
We're all playing the same game
We're all looking for redemption
We’re just afraid to say the name
So caught up now in pretending
What we're seeking is the truth
I'm just looking for a happy ending
All I'm looking for is you
Chorus
And it came upon me wave on wave
You're the reason I'm still here
Am I the one you were sent to save
And it came upon me wave on wave
I wondered out into the water
And I thought that I might drown
I don’t know what I was after
Just know I was going down
That's when she found me
Not afraid anymore
She said you know I always had you baby
Just waiting for you to find what you were looking for
Repeat Chorus
Wave on wave, wave on wave…
Repeat Chorus
The clouds broke and the angels cried
You ain't gotta walk alone
That's why they put me in your way
And it came upon me wave on wave
Chorus
Repeat Chorus
Wave On Wave
Mile upon mile got no direction
We're all playing the same game
We're all looking for redemption
We’re just afraid to say the name
So caught up now in pretending
What we're seeking is the truth
I'm just looking for a happy ending
All I'm looking for is you
Chorus
And it came upon me wave on wave
You're the reason I'm still here
Am I the one you were sent to save
And it came upon me wave on wave
I wondered out into the water
And I thought that I might drown
I don’t know what I was after
Just know I was going down
That's when she found me
Not afraid anymore
She said you know I always had you baby
Just waiting for you to find what you were looking for
Repeat Chorus
Wave on wave, wave on wave…
Repeat Chorus
The clouds broke and the angels cried
You ain't gotta walk alone
That's why they put me in your way
And it came upon me wave on wave
Chorus
Repeat Chorus
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
3rd Song of the week
This is the third song of my song week. Are you proud of me that I remembered? I might have missed Monday's song, but I have Wednesdays song. I picked it because it was a song that was in my head all day at work. I was humming it, singing it, and singing it some more. It has very special meaning to me because it was the song that I sang at my wedding (when I married the best man in the world!) It's called "Endless Love". Enjoy!
ENDLESS LOVE
My love, there's only you in my life,
The only thing that's right.
My first love, you're every breath that I take,
You're every step I make.
And I, I want to share, all my love with you,
No one else will do.
And your eyes, they tell me how much you care.
Oh yes, you will always be, my endless love.
Two hearts, two hearts that beat as one.
Our lives have just begun.
Forever, I'll hold you close in my arms,
I can't resist your charm.
My love, I'll be a fool, for you I'm sure,
You know I don't mind.
Cause you, you mean the world to me.
Oh, I know I've found in you, my endless love.
And love, I'll be that fool, for you, I'm sure.
You know I don't mind.
And yes, you'll be the only one.
Cause no one can deny,
This love I have its fine.
I'll give it all to you,
My love, my love, my endless love.
ps...it's not my favorite version (I heard a really good version by Mariah Carey that I like better) but I do have it on my playlist if you want to hear it.
ENDLESS LOVE
My love, there's only you in my life,
The only thing that's right.
My first love, you're every breath that I take,
You're every step I make.
And I, I want to share, all my love with you,
No one else will do.
And your eyes, they tell me how much you care.
Oh yes, you will always be, my endless love.
Two hearts, two hearts that beat as one.
Our lives have just begun.
Forever, I'll hold you close in my arms,
I can't resist your charm.
My love, I'll be a fool, for you I'm sure,
You know I don't mind.
Cause you, you mean the world to me.
Oh, I know I've found in you, my endless love.
And love, I'll be that fool, for you, I'm sure.
You know I don't mind.
And yes, you'll be the only one.
Cause no one can deny,
This love I have its fine.
I'll give it all to you,
My love, my love, my endless love.
ps...it's not my favorite version (I heard a really good version by Mariah Carey that I like better) but I do have it on my playlist if you want to hear it.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Song for Day 3 (oops)
Ok, day 3 is actually only the 2nd song that I picked. I am so sorry. Thanks to my wonderful sis-in-law for keeping me in line. =)
So, now on to the song of the day. I'm gonna pick a song that's been in my head for about 4 days. I sang it in a zillion different styles, keys, and voices yesterday while driving home. It's a well-known hymn.
How Great Thou Art
Chorus 1
Then sings my soul
My Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art
How great Thou art
Then sings my soul
My Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art
How great Thou art
Verse 1
O Lord my God
When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds
Thy hands have made
I see the stars
I hear the rolling thunder
Thy pow'r thru'out
The universe displayed
Verse 2
When thru the woods
And forest glades I wander
And hear the birds
Sing sweetly in the trees
When I look down
From lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook
And feel the gentle breeze
Verse 3
And when I think
That God His Son not sparing
Sent Him to die
I scarce can take it in
That on the cross
My burden gladly bearing
He bled and died
To take away my sin
Verse 4
When Christ shall come
With shout of acclamation
And take me home
What joy shall fill my heart
Then I shall bow
In humble adoration
And there proclaim
My God how great Thou art
I hope and pray that you realize how great our God really is. Will you trust Him today?
God Bless!
So, now on to the song of the day. I'm gonna pick a song that's been in my head for about 4 days. I sang it in a zillion different styles, keys, and voices yesterday while driving home. It's a well-known hymn.
How Great Thou Art
Chorus 1
Then sings my soul
My Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art
How great Thou art
Then sings my soul
My Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art
How great Thou art
Verse 1
O Lord my God
When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds
Thy hands have made
I see the stars
I hear the rolling thunder
Thy pow'r thru'out
The universe displayed
Verse 2
When thru the woods
And forest glades I wander
And hear the birds
Sing sweetly in the trees
When I look down
From lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook
And feel the gentle breeze
Verse 3
And when I think
That God His Son not sparing
Sent Him to die
I scarce can take it in
That on the cross
My burden gladly bearing
He bled and died
To take away my sin
Verse 4
When Christ shall come
With shout of acclamation
And take me home
What joy shall fill my heart
Then I shall bow
In humble adoration
And there proclaim
My God how great Thou art
I hope and pray that you realize how great our God really is. Will you trust Him today?
God Bless!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Music Day 1
I am supposed to pick a song for today...and I got sick while in eastern Kansas. So here's my song for today. It's called 'Healer' and I have two versions (not on my playlist) by Hillsong and by Kari Jobe. All I have are the lyrics...but search for the song to listen to it. It's a good one.
Healer
Verse:
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging sea
You walk with me through fire
and heal all my disease
Pre-chorus:
I trust in You
I trust in You
Chorus:
I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need.
Right now I'm hoping that I will be healed from this sickness...cause it's making me miserable.
Enjoy the song!
Healer
Verse:
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging sea
You walk with me through fire
and heal all my disease
Pre-chorus:
I trust in You
I trust in You
Chorus:
I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need.
Right now I'm hoping that I will be healed from this sickness...cause it's making me miserable.
Enjoy the song!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Life Put To Music
Yes, I know that's the name of my blog, but I was thinking about that this morning. In a way my life really is put to music. Music is such a big part of who I am that I think I could find a song for myself that explains everyday. I'm thinking about giving myself a challenge...for a week, finding a song for everyday of one week. A song that describes something from that day. Maybe I'll start tomorrow and go from Sunday to Sunday.
My favorite thing to do is sing my praises to my AWESOME God. He has done so many amazing things in my life lately, that it would take me forever to really share them all. To hear me talk about the things that God has done you would think that there had been some miraculous thing having to do with a disease, or even a baby. But to be honest, the biggest miracle that has happened has nothing to do with anyone but myself. And most people wouldn't even know if I didn't tell them, that my heart has changed. I am no longer an angry, bitter person longing for something I will never have. I am a person thankful for what I have and enjoying the life that God has given me.
But that is such a long story in itself....you don't want to be bored with all the gory details...lol.
I feel as if there is a song in my heart every moment of every day. When I'm at work, I hum or sing some kind of song. When I'm in the van, I find music to sing, and at home I either listen to my mp3 player or have a cd playing in the dvd player. So it shouldn't be hard for me to find a song for everyday of this next week. So those of you (I think it's only about one)...keep me accountable. If I haven't picked a song, make sure I get one picked for that certain day.
I really want to follow through with this. I might make it a worship song, I might make it a country song....you never know the style I might pick.
See you again tomorrow. God bless and have an awesome day!
My favorite thing to do is sing my praises to my AWESOME God. He has done so many amazing things in my life lately, that it would take me forever to really share them all. To hear me talk about the things that God has done you would think that there had been some miraculous thing having to do with a disease, or even a baby. But to be honest, the biggest miracle that has happened has nothing to do with anyone but myself. And most people wouldn't even know if I didn't tell them, that my heart has changed. I am no longer an angry, bitter person longing for something I will never have. I am a person thankful for what I have and enjoying the life that God has given me.
But that is such a long story in itself....you don't want to be bored with all the gory details...lol.
I feel as if there is a song in my heart every moment of every day. When I'm at work, I hum or sing some kind of song. When I'm in the van, I find music to sing, and at home I either listen to my mp3 player or have a cd playing in the dvd player. So it shouldn't be hard for me to find a song for everyday of this next week. So those of you (I think it's only about one)...keep me accountable. If I haven't picked a song, make sure I get one picked for that certain day.
I really want to follow through with this. I might make it a worship song, I might make it a country song....you never know the style I might pick.
See you again tomorrow. God bless and have an awesome day!
Friday, February 18, 2011
I had to share this. It's my new favorite worship song. I can't wait to get it worked up and let my church sing it. It's so powerful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FObjd5wrgZ8
Revelation Song
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
Holy, holy is He
Sing a new song to Him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
Holy, holy is He
Sing a new song to Him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat
Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty
Who was and is and is to come
With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings
You are my everything and I will adore You
Clothed in rainbows of living color
Flashes of lighting rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor strength and glory and power be
To You the only one who's King
Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty
Who was and is and is to come
With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings
You are my everything and I will adore You
Filled with wonder awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your name
Jesus Your name is power, breath and living water
Such a marvelous mystery
Oh, You're worthy, mystery
You are worthy
Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty
Who was and is and is to come
With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings
You are my everything and I will adore You, I will adore You
**I now have it on my playlist!!!**
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FObjd5wrgZ8
Revelation Song
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
Holy, holy is He
Sing a new song to Him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
Holy, holy is He
Sing a new song to Him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat
Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty
Who was and is and is to come
With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings
You are my everything and I will adore You
Clothed in rainbows of living color
Flashes of lighting rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor strength and glory and power be
To You the only one who's King
Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty
Who was and is and is to come
With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings
You are my everything and I will adore You
Filled with wonder awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your name
Jesus Your name is power, breath and living water
Such a marvelous mystery
Oh, You're worthy, mystery
You are worthy
Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty
Who was and is and is to come
With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings
You are my everything and I will adore You, I will adore You
**I now have it on my playlist!!!**
New Start
Wow! Where to start? I'm gonna say that this is my new beginning in life. We have made a major decision in our family. It's a tough one, but a very peaceful one. We are no longer trying for other kids. Martie is our one and only. We're ok with that.
I have come to the conclusion that I have wasted enough time that could have spent doing God's work. Ok, those of you arguing with me...yes, we had to try so that we didn't wonder for the rest of our lives if we did enough. But it has been a very rough time for us trying. And it's very obvious that God has not planned for us to have our own children.
I should be very mad about this....but wanna know something? I'm not at all angry. I have so much peace about this decision. I'll be honest, I have never before felt this much peace about something. I have true joy of the Lord for the first time in my life. And I'm so excited about what God has in store for us in the future. I am so open and pliable, that I know He will lead us where He wants us.
My whole life I've always fought for what I want...I've never really searched for what God wanted for me. That has all changed. I want so much what God wants for me. If it's music, great. If it's a young girls ministry, awesome! If it's just hanging with my husband and my parents (who will have an empty nest the same time as us) then so be it.
Have you ever really made yourself pliable to what God has in store for you? Or are you like I've been....so stuck in your ways and stubborn that you are miserable because you are fighting Him the whole time? If I may make a suggestion....I would totally just give in and give it all up to Him. You can't imagine this joy and peace until you really experience it.
So on to the "new start" in our life.
May God bless you and keep you. May His face Shine upon you.
Love ya'll!
I have come to the conclusion that I have wasted enough time that could have spent doing God's work. Ok, those of you arguing with me...yes, we had to try so that we didn't wonder for the rest of our lives if we did enough. But it has been a very rough time for us trying. And it's very obvious that God has not planned for us to have our own children.
I should be very mad about this....but wanna know something? I'm not at all angry. I have so much peace about this decision. I'll be honest, I have never before felt this much peace about something. I have true joy of the Lord for the first time in my life. And I'm so excited about what God has in store for us in the future. I am so open and pliable, that I know He will lead us where He wants us.
My whole life I've always fought for what I want...I've never really searched for what God wanted for me. That has all changed. I want so much what God wants for me. If it's music, great. If it's a young girls ministry, awesome! If it's just hanging with my husband and my parents (who will have an empty nest the same time as us) then so be it.
Have you ever really made yourself pliable to what God has in store for you? Or are you like I've been....so stuck in your ways and stubborn that you are miserable because you are fighting Him the whole time? If I may make a suggestion....I would totally just give in and give it all up to Him. You can't imagine this joy and peace until you really experience it.
So on to the "new start" in our life.
May God bless you and keep you. May His face Shine upon you.
Love ya'll!
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