Living Life

Why is it that some of us wait until life is shortened to add quality to our lives? Why can't we all just live that way before illness and other things happen to us? The ideal life would be one where you always take each day and live it to the fullest, as if it might possibly be your last day with the ones you love.

I can't say that my life with my husband has never been full of quality life and wonderful moments. I just know that we could have always made a bigger deal out of the small things in life. Maybe not have complained so much about things that really didn't matter. To have cherished each moment we were in instead of longing for the next moment.

But from this moment on, I want my life to be about the moment that I'm in. I don't want to long for things in the past that I can't get back, and I don't want to long for things in the future that might look better. I know better than to long for what's next, because I'm not sure when "next" won't be there.

Scott and I are talking a little more everyday about what to do with this time of our lives. We each feel that our time is limited. We're not sure how limited it is, but that doesn't matter so much right now. We have talked about trips we may want to take, places we would like to see, people that we want to visit with. We have talked with my parents about whether to go on a cruise or to do a Disney Vacation with the WHOLE family. I guess it will depend on when we do it and what we can handle.

I am at a point right now where I feel like I should be somewhat emotional, but there's something keeping me from being so emotional. It's like I just truly can't cry. I know that I should and there's a part of me that wants to, but it just won't happen. It makes me think that there's something wrong with me at times, but then I wonder if it's God's way of keeping me in the fight for as long as we can fight. To stay in the moment and not in the future.

This post almost seems to be a bit like I'm rambling. It's like I go from one thought to the next....I guess that's the way my post should be as it's the way I am on an everyday basis. My thoughts sometimes just ramble from one to the next with no warning. I think it's from the deep down exhaustion that I feel. I can sleep a whole night and still feel like I could sleep for a week.

My days at home pretty much consist of waking up when John wakes up, changing his diaper, feeding him breakfast, getting Scott's meds, changing the dressing on Scott's back, changing Johns clothes, keeping both of my boys occupied and maybe get them to take a morning nap, do lunch for us all, do more meds for Scott, spend time with both my guys, try and get them to take an afternoon nap (now that I'm home this is when I'll do my housecleaning), start some supper, eat supper, get Scott more meds, then make sure John gets a bath and Scott gets a shower, change scott's dressing, change John into his jammies, get John a bottle and get him to bed by 9:00 at the latest.

Unfortunately this does not include the time I want to spend with Lizzy, paying the bills that are due and getting the checkbook caught up. It's also hard to go someplace by myself because I can't leave John with Scott and I can't leave Scott alone. I have to make sure I have a "babysitter" for them both. It's just much easier to stay at home with these two wonderful guys that fill my days. At least I know we are getting quantity time as well as quality.

I urge you to look at your life right now and ask yourself if you are living life to the fullest. None of us is promised tomorrow, so remember to live quality of life in case you don't get the quantity of life you want.