I don't even know if I can find words to describe how I'm feeling right now. I'm devastated (once again), but amidst those feelings of loss and disappointment I feel the arms of God surrounding me. I can't say that I've ever really felt it like this before. I'm sad, don't get me wrong, but right now I am feeling the love of God in a way I've never felt. I've always known that my babies are with Him in Heaven, but for some reason it seems more real today than it ever has.
It's almost as if I'm so close to heaven right now that I could just reach out and touch it. That I just might be able to get a small glimpse of my sweet angels and maybe even touch them for one precious moment. Maybe right now it's God's way of comforting me, or maybe I'm really grasping the fact that Heaven is real.
But if I can't be there to hold my babies, rock them to sleep, or sing them lullabies, then I couldn't ask for a better father to them than our Heavenly Father. It's like the song says, "I can't imagine Heaven's lullabies" to have Jesus singing lullabies to you must be the best thing ever.
So, yes, I do have bad news in the fact that one more Soodsma baby is gone.....but I have the hope and promise of seeing them again and I will cling to that with all my heart.
Love to you all.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Song of the Week
Yes, the song of this week is not exactly happy and cheerful...but it's on my mind, so it now became the song of the week. I've been singing this song for the past few days in my head along with the song "I Will Carry You" by Selah. I added it to the player below, so you can listen to it as you read the lyrics.
God Bless you and Keep holding on to his hand as we continue to do so on our end.
Glory Baby
Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…
BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…
God Bless you and Keep holding on to his hand as we continue to do so on our end.
Glory Baby
Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…
BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Song of the Week
For this week after Mother's Day, I have chosen a special song just for you mothers out there. After you take that vacation I told you about earlier, sit back, relax, and listen to this song that will remind you what a special gift we have in our children. Enjoy! (the song is on my player below)
Mother's Prayer
I pray you'll be my eyes
And watch her where she goes
And help her to be wise
Help me to let go
Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe
I pray she finds your light
And holds it in her heart
As darkness falls each night
Remind her where you are
Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Need to find a place
Guide her to a place
Give her faith so she'll be safe
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe
Mother's Prayer
I pray you'll be my eyes
And watch her where she goes
And help her to be wise
Help me to let go
Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe
I pray she finds your light
And holds it in her heart
As darkness falls each night
Remind her where you are
Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Need to find a place
Guide her to a place
Give her faith so she'll be safe
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe
Being a Mother
I've come to realize that there is one thing that helps with being a mother. I think there is lots of advice that people try to give, but I want to share only one.
**There are times that Mom needs to get away....away from her child(ren) and even away from her husband. Although at times a mom should get away with her husband without children....she needs both kinds of vacations.
A mom needs to visit family, go to a hotel, get a spa treatment (massage, manicure, pedicure, facial), visit a friend. It can even be as simple as going to the mall or a department store alone (so that she can shop with no interruptions and take as long as she wants)
After a mom comes back from one of these special "vacations" she is a new woman. She is able to be the wife and mother that she wants to be, instead of the wife and mother that she was turning into.....which happens to have a close resemblance to frankenstein or dracula.
After coming back, this woman seems to resemble the Glenda, the good witch of the North (from "The Wizard of Oz"). This is a very huge change, and your husband will notice....if your children are older, they will notice as well. Your household will run smoother and you won't be as "anal" (yes, I used that word. We use this word a lot in our house to define a parent that is way too overprotective and tends to micro-manage the child(ren).
A mom has a clearer mind after a "vacation" and is able to choose her battles a lot more wisely. This helps both parents and the child stays sane as well.
So, my one advice for this week after Mother's Day? If you haven't taken some time for yourself and you feel like you need it, DO NOT feel guilty about taking that special vacation. Your family will thank you!
God Bless and loves to all. And hope everyone had a very special mothers day!
**There are times that Mom needs to get away....away from her child(ren) and even away from her husband. Although at times a mom should get away with her husband without children....she needs both kinds of vacations.
A mom needs to visit family, go to a hotel, get a spa treatment (massage, manicure, pedicure, facial), visit a friend. It can even be as simple as going to the mall or a department store alone (so that she can shop with no interruptions and take as long as she wants)
After a mom comes back from one of these special "vacations" she is a new woman. She is able to be the wife and mother that she wants to be, instead of the wife and mother that she was turning into.....which happens to have a close resemblance to frankenstein or dracula.
After coming back, this woman seems to resemble the Glenda, the good witch of the North (from "The Wizard of Oz"). This is a very huge change, and your husband will notice....if your children are older, they will notice as well. Your household will run smoother and you won't be as "anal" (yes, I used that word. We use this word a lot in our house to define a parent that is way too overprotective and tends to micro-manage the child(ren).
A mom has a clearer mind after a "vacation" and is able to choose her battles a lot more wisely. This helps both parents and the child stays sane as well.
So, my one advice for this week after Mother's Day? If you haven't taken some time for yourself and you feel like you need it, DO NOT feel guilty about taking that special vacation. Your family will thank you!
God Bless and loves to all. And hope everyone had a very special mothers day!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
God-Moment
I had a dr. appt today in Dodge City (yes, more fertility stuff). I have to drive through Dighton to get to Dodge, and they were doing road construction between Healy and Dighton. I ended up stopping and waiting for like 10 minutes.
The lady holding the stop/slow sign was really nice (found out her name was Rebecca). She came and talked to me and somehow we got on the subject of our families (I was mentioning Josh actually). It webbed from there to her asking me if I had kids. I told her I had a teenage daughter the same age as my younger brother. Which led to another discussion for a few minutes.
I told her as I was explaining things that our daughter is adopted. She asked me if we couldn't have kids. I told her so far we were not able to, but we were always trying.
Her next question was way cool. "Do you believe in Jesus?" What did I answer? Duh.....I answered that absolutely I believed in Jesus. So she asked me if I trusted her to do something. I said sure. So she reached in my van and put her hand on my belly and prayed for me right then and there. It was a very heartfelt prayer that God would open my womb.
Ok, some people might think that this lady was weird. I didn't. I believe in the power of prayer, and if by the act of some stranger we get pregnant this summer, I will tell my story everywhere I get a chance.
I know God uses people, God has people that are his "angels" here on earth, that do His work. So maybe, just maybe, this woman was one of God's "angels" and she was just doing God's work here on Earth.
My prayer request now? That this summer, the treatments that Scott and I will be doing (meds actually) will work and that we would be expecting a little Soodsma soon.
God Bless you all and loves to everyone.
The lady holding the stop/slow sign was really nice (found out her name was Rebecca). She came and talked to me and somehow we got on the subject of our families (I was mentioning Josh actually). It webbed from there to her asking me if I had kids. I told her I had a teenage daughter the same age as my younger brother. Which led to another discussion for a few minutes.
I told her as I was explaining things that our daughter is adopted. She asked me if we couldn't have kids. I told her so far we were not able to, but we were always trying.
Her next question was way cool. "Do you believe in Jesus?" What did I answer? Duh.....I answered that absolutely I believed in Jesus. So she asked me if I trusted her to do something. I said sure. So she reached in my van and put her hand on my belly and prayed for me right then and there. It was a very heartfelt prayer that God would open my womb.
Ok, some people might think that this lady was weird. I didn't. I believe in the power of prayer, and if by the act of some stranger we get pregnant this summer, I will tell my story everywhere I get a chance.
I know God uses people, God has people that are his "angels" here on earth, that do His work. So maybe, just maybe, this woman was one of God's "angels" and she was just doing God's work here on Earth.
My prayer request now? That this summer, the treatments that Scott and I will be doing (meds actually) will work and that we would be expecting a little Soodsma soon.
God Bless you all and loves to everyone.
Friday, April 23, 2010
The Healy River
Normally, no, our town does not have a river running down the middle of it. But after last night, guess what, we have a river in the place of the highway. And it goes through the very middle of the town.
Scott and I had to be out in it last night (twice), so I snapped pictures (like 50 of them) of different places in town. Scott had to check on things at work, otherwise we would have stayed home. It was so weird seeing my town like this.
While we were out the first time with our van, there were spots that the water came up to the bottom of our doors. There were also place that we could not go, because we would have been stuck...the water was just too deep.
We talked to someone in town and he said that he had gotten like 4.70 inches and that north of town someone had gotten like 7 inches. Wow...that's a lot of water for Healy.
Did I mention yet that this storm that dropped so much rain was also accompanied by a tornado (didn't hit town)? What a night, what a night.
There are a lot of people with flooded basements (obviously) and some that are even having sewer problems. Wow! Who would have thought that our town would be so wet.
The best I can do is just show you the pictures, so here goes. I put the rest of the pictures on my facebook page, so if you are friends with me on facebook, check out the rest of the pictures.
God Bless and hopefully I don't float away. Loves to you all.
Scott and I had to be out in it last night (twice), so I snapped pictures (like 50 of them) of different places in town. Scott had to check on things at work, otherwise we would have stayed home. It was so weird seeing my town like this.
While we were out the first time with our van, there were spots that the water came up to the bottom of our doors. There were also place that we could not go, because we would have been stuck...the water was just too deep.
We talked to someone in town and he said that he had gotten like 4.70 inches and that north of town someone had gotten like 7 inches. Wow...that's a lot of water for Healy.
Did I mention yet that this storm that dropped so much rain was also accompanied by a tornado (didn't hit town)? What a night, what a night.
There are a lot of people with flooded basements (obviously) and some that are even having sewer problems. Wow! Who would have thought that our town would be so wet.
The best I can do is just show you the pictures, so here goes. I put the rest of the pictures on my facebook page, so if you are friends with me on facebook, check out the rest of the pictures.
God Bless and hopefully I don't float away. Loves to you all.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Prom
Ok, a life-milestone. My daughter is about to go to prom. It's her first, so the pictures will be plentiful, I can promise that.
I understand from my days of going to prom that having a "guy" date is the best thing in the world...but I have to admit that I'm a little glad that her first "date" is her aunt Michaela. I know she will be safe and taken care of.
I agree with my sister-in-law that time does go by too fast and I'm not sure how to slow it down. The problem that I have is that I don't get much time with Martie anyway (since we got her at the age of 13) and then it has to go so fast.
I don't think that at the age of 31 or 32 I will be ready for an empty nest. I keep thinking about how we will fill our house again after she's gone (or start filling it before she leaves). I want to adopt an infant or toddler so bad, but it just doesn't seem to be in God's will.
Ok, wait a second, I was talking about prom. Enough with the drama, right?
Martie even gets to serve at the prom banquet, so that's exciting. She will be there...just not eating all dressed up like the juniors and seniors. But her time will come.
She has asked me to do her hair (Michaela asked me too) so I will be very busy on Saturday doing make-up, hair, probably painting nails (even putting on fake ones maybe). So our house will become the Soodsma beauty spa...lol...hmmmm.
And to top it all off, after I dress up the girls (maybe pull my hair up quick and put on a nice shirt and pants), watch them go to prom and make sure they are safe, Scott is taking me out on a date. All alone, just the two of us. I love when it's just the two of us. We act like teenagers again and hold hands, and get all smoochy smoochy. Actually we usually end up going to wal-mart or hastings and buying something for Martie. Since she's also the topic of most of our conversations on a date.
Anyway, that's how my weekend will be going. Busy, tiring, but lots of fun.
God bless and loves to everyone.
I understand from my days of going to prom that having a "guy" date is the best thing in the world...but I have to admit that I'm a little glad that her first "date" is her aunt Michaela. I know she will be safe and taken care of.
I agree with my sister-in-law that time does go by too fast and I'm not sure how to slow it down. The problem that I have is that I don't get much time with Martie anyway (since we got her at the age of 13) and then it has to go so fast.
I don't think that at the age of 31 or 32 I will be ready for an empty nest. I keep thinking about how we will fill our house again after she's gone (or start filling it before she leaves). I want to adopt an infant or toddler so bad, but it just doesn't seem to be in God's will.
Ok, wait a second, I was talking about prom. Enough with the drama, right?
Martie even gets to serve at the prom banquet, so that's exciting. She will be there...just not eating all dressed up like the juniors and seniors. But her time will come.
She has asked me to do her hair (Michaela asked me too) so I will be very busy on Saturday doing make-up, hair, probably painting nails (even putting on fake ones maybe). So our house will become the Soodsma beauty spa...lol...hmmmm.
And to top it all off, after I dress up the girls (maybe pull my hair up quick and put on a nice shirt and pants), watch them go to prom and make sure they are safe, Scott is taking me out on a date. All alone, just the two of us. I love when it's just the two of us. We act like teenagers again and hold hands, and get all smoochy smoochy. Actually we usually end up going to wal-mart or hastings and buying something for Martie. Since she's also the topic of most of our conversations on a date.
Anyway, that's how my weekend will be going. Busy, tiring, but lots of fun.
God bless and loves to everyone.
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