Same Old...

So at the moment we are still looking at one house in particular. It's a little bit of a fixer-upper, but yet it is very roomy and we can see ourselves living there very easily. The only thing keeping us from jumping right away is making sure that there will be finances to fix it up (meaning more of a loan). It depends on if a bank thinks our credit is good enough, if the house has enough potential, and what we are able to talk the owner down to in price.

I'm just so excited for an opportunity like this, though. I want to own my own home, and I don't even mind a fixer-upper. That way we can make things the way we want them.

So as of yet, we are not moving =( but I'm hoping we get to move shortly after the new year. Ok, at least before the school year is over.

Anyway, other than that, our life is not really exciting. I have a new nephew, and that's pretty awesome. I got to be at the hospital when he was born (not in the room). He looks just like my brother, and I'm excited to see how his personality is as he grows up.

I'll admit it makes me a little sad for myself seeing them with the new baby. Only because I know that it will never be me. It is a daily struggle for me to take these negative thoughts captive and fully trust in the Lord, but that is what I spend my days doing. As of right now, this blog is one of the few places I share my feelings. I share with my husband (don't get much sympathy his way) and that's about it. Deep down I know that it's hard for others to understand. They have all experienced childbirth and raising a baby, they are able to fully have joy in a new babies birth in a way that I will never have. I'm excited don't get me wrong, but it takes conscious effort to shake off negative feelings and truly feel the joy of the Lord.

But I've made a commitment to not go back to my old self. The one that is so depressed and bitter that I can't even see straight. Even if it is a struggle the rest of my life, I will fight off those feelings. Even when I'm all alone without any other person understanding, I will not allow these feelings to shape who I am.

Ok, that got a little too deep. I apologize...but I guess it's the real me coming out. I guess even when a person isn't angry, they still have to vent. Either that or I still have some work to do in myself.

Anyway, I pray that we both keep the joy of the Lord in all situations. God bless!