Waiting, waiting, and more waiting

Ok, I need prayer. I'm so not a patient person. I think right now my patience has come from my sis-in-law. We still know nothing pregnancy wise. I think that if I am, my body is just being weird and making ME wait until Christmas.

I really think I'm losing my sanity in this wait. I was doing so good until Wednesday of this week. I started testing on Wednesday....I KNOW....it's way to soon! I have two more tests at home and I'm planning to try and wait until Monday to take one of them. And I'm also trying to get ready in case I get a little "something" this weekend and that means the answer is for sure no.

You know, I was thinking tonight. (this is said with a good attitude I promise). With as many pregnant women as I've seen and heard of lately (and as many new babies as there are now) it really can't be that hard to get pregnant. So what are we doing wrong? I thought that I had passed my sex ed. class (yes, I just said the "s" word). But I'm really starting to wonder if they didn't teach it right, or if I just didn't pay enough attention.

Ok, I'm done venting now. I just ask that you keep praying (if anyone is even reading this). Good night and I'll let you know as soon as I can what our outcome is.

God Bless and Merry Christmas!

The decision was made

I know, with Thanksgiving and all, I never got back to letting anyone know what our decision was...

...drum-roll please...

....We did the clomid. Yes, it's all over now and I am in what most ttc'rs (trying to concieve) call the two-week wait. I guess I can let you all know that we should know something by Christmas...but I have to apologize, cause if it happens we aren't sharing anything until a little later. Sorry, but I just have to make sure it sticks if I am pregnant.

On a good note, I have been doing very well with this one. I have kept my mind mostly off of it (kind of...) and it didn't seem like such a chore this time. It was actually kind of exciting. So maybe this is our time. The biggest change? The fact that if I'm not pregnant, I'm gonna be ok with it. I have at least one more shot with the clomid, so we'll discuss possibly doing it again at some point.

So I guess I'm now either pregnant or not and it's just a waiting game. So instead of praying for it to work, we must pray for my sanity...seriously. But anyway...I guess that's enough of that. And I gotta go charge my camera battery so that I can put pics on here and on my facebook page.

Love to ya'll! Merry Christmas.

Christmas is coming

Since I can't decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving (rules by my husband who hates for Thanksgiving to be overlooked since it's his fave holiday) I snuck one thing by him this year. The day before Thanksgiving we had a neice and nephew over and between them, Martie, and myself, we made a gingerbread house. I have never done this before...and yes, I cheated. I bought a kit at walmart. Someday when I get used to doing them, we'll do a totally home-made one. But for now, not.








I let them decided how the candy would decorate the house, and they all seemed to agree (most of the time) how it should look.

I might also add that this house is very yummy...as it is now half-eaten.

My goal for next year? I want to buy a gingerbread village kit that I saw and make that my edible Christmas village for next Christmas.

Decisions, decisions

I almost don't know what more to say besides the title. But I better explain. We have taken a very large break from "trying" and those who follow my blog understand what I mean by that. This past May we hadn't even started trying for the summer yet when we ended up pregnant and I miscarried at the end of May. Since then I've not been ready or willing to risk trying hard for a baby.

This past weekend I also made the decision to give it all up to God. And I have been perfectly content to leave it in His hands and if I don't ever have my own baby, I'm ok with that. But today I all of a sudden had the thought that this cycle I want to try the clomid again. I have some on hand and the timing of it would have me taking it on Tuesday night. So the question is....do I take it and do we try, or do we just leave it alone and accept life as it is.

I don't want to give up too soon when there might be a chance, but at the same time, if it's not in God's will I don't want to push where I don't belong. I also don't want to get pregnant and miscarry once again. 6 has been plenty (and I just ordered the May stone for my memorial necklace). We don't need 7 angel babies.

I have not made up my mind yet, and thank goodness I have a couple days to be praying and thinking about it. If it's what God wants, I will give it my all and do exactly as I'm supposed to as far as dr's and things. And if it's not God's will, then we will go on as we have been and I will be content with what God has given me. So can I ask that you be praying for and with me in the next couple days as I seek God's will in all of this?

In other business, we are still waiting about the house we want. We were approved for a loan, but they won't loan us the $$ until the wiring gets replaced by the owner. So this next week we will be talking to the owner and trying to negotiate. I still really like this house and would love it, but I am choosing to take this the same way as the clomid thing....I want to be in God's will, so I want what He wants.

Just keep praying, I'll keep you posted, and all will be great and wonderful no matter what. Love to you all and God's blessings over you.

Same Old...

So at the moment we are still looking at one house in particular. It's a little bit of a fixer-upper, but yet it is very roomy and we can see ourselves living there very easily. The only thing keeping us from jumping right away is making sure that there will be finances to fix it up (meaning more of a loan). It depends on if a bank thinks our credit is good enough, if the house has enough potential, and what we are able to talk the owner down to in price.

I'm just so excited for an opportunity like this, though. I want to own my own home, and I don't even mind a fixer-upper. That way we can make things the way we want them.

So as of yet, we are not moving =( but I'm hoping we get to move shortly after the new year. Ok, at least before the school year is over.

Anyway, other than that, our life is not really exciting. I have a new nephew, and that's pretty awesome. I got to be at the hospital when he was born (not in the room). He looks just like my brother, and I'm excited to see how his personality is as he grows up.

I'll admit it makes me a little sad for myself seeing them with the new baby. Only because I know that it will never be me. It is a daily struggle for me to take these negative thoughts captive and fully trust in the Lord, but that is what I spend my days doing. As of right now, this blog is one of the few places I share my feelings. I share with my husband (don't get much sympathy his way) and that's about it. Deep down I know that it's hard for others to understand. They have all experienced childbirth and raising a baby, they are able to fully have joy in a new babies birth in a way that I will never have. I'm excited don't get me wrong, but it takes conscious effort to shake off negative feelings and truly feel the joy of the Lord.

But I've made a commitment to not go back to my old self. The one that is so depressed and bitter that I can't even see straight. Even if it is a struggle the rest of my life, I will fight off those feelings. Even when I'm all alone without any other person understanding, I will not allow these feelings to shape who I am.

Ok, that got a little too deep. I apologize...but I guess it's the real me coming out. I guess even when a person isn't angry, they still have to vent. Either that or I still have some work to do in myself.

Anyway, I pray that we both keep the joy of the Lord in all situations. God bless!

Hoping for a new adventure

I know, I know, it's been too long again. Please forgive me. Life went nuts and then our internet/computer was being weird (well, it still is) and I finally broke down and hooked our laptop to the internet to get some web surfing done. I found out I really do miss the internet. It's a great way to keep in touch with people.

We have a major life-change coming up (hopefully soon). We are moving. Yes, you heard that correctly. We are looking at houses in a nearby town (where our church and my brother is).

May I stray for just a short while..speaking of my brother. He and his wife just had their baby this past Thursday and now I'm even more excited than I was before to get there. He's the cutest thing and looks so much like his daddy. And he's so quiet I've only heard him cry like once or twice.

Anyway, back to what I'm really blogging about. Tonight we are looking at a house that needs some tlc. It's been neglected, but it has some awesome potential from what we've seen so far. But tonight we get to see the inside in all its completeness and really decide if it's the house for us.

It has only 1 bathroom and two bedrooms, but it has a huge living room, dining room, and kitchen...and the bedrooms are very niced sized. It also has a full, unfinished basement (or so we've been told). Scott talked to the owner this morning to set up our time and she said that people have used part of the basement as a bedroom for kids...so maybe it's not completely unfinished.

It has hard-wood floors at least in one bedroom, a bay window, and a fake fireplace in the living room.....hey it's the ambiance we are looking for...lol. Like I said it needs some tlc, but it seems to be a good sturdy home.

Scott also found out that it was built in the early 1900's and has been in this woman's family since then. It has been passed down and finally came to her and now she has to sell it. Well, what better owners than us. We will have so much pride in our home and will make sure it's well taken care of. Plus I am very sentimental and I love things that are family heirlooms. I have some things that have been passed down to me from older generations, and I treasure those things more than any other items in my house (I said "items" not people).

So that's our life right now. Not much else except looking at homes and waiting for the right one so we can get on with life in a new town. Talk to you later. God bless!

Life

Sorry it's been so long. I have a couple reasons for that.

One: our desktop computer got a virus and is not working properly
and
Two: I've been very busy and sick

I ended up not finishing my 24 day challenge because we thought I might be pregnant and I knew not to diet when I thought I was pregnant. So I am now finishing where I left off, but I don't think the effect will be the same. I will probably continue some of the weight loss products and try to lose weight, but I won't blog everyday about the progress. (some of you are cheering right about now)

I think we have made somewhat of a decision about the baby/pregnancy thing in our lives. For right now we are supposed to raise our daughter as an only child (I'll be honest she takes quite a bit of attention). I will continue with my weight loss until I hit my goal weight.

After I hit my goal weight and Martie is out of the house (or closer to out of the house) we will start thinking about if we want to expand the family, and possibly how we want to do that. We will be praying as of now about it...because it's never too early to start praying.

We aren't sure we want to adopt again. Nothing against Martie, but it's can be very tough. It's been quite an emotional experience and I don't think it's something we are called to do again. (but that's where the prayer comes in...God's will, not ours)

There is one other medical procedure that we haven't tried that's not as expensive as some of the high tech ones, and we are considering trying that one in the future. But like I said, this will be a year or two into the future. I have actually become quite content with our little family, and I'm really ok if we are not going to have any other children.

Ok, our possible future children (or not) is not exactly what I'd call breaking news or even a big-time announcement. But I do have something that is in the process of changing that is very exciting.......

.....we are looking at houses. We are ready to be home-owners again. We are looking in a nearby town (about 15-20 mins away from our town now). And as of now, we found one we all fell in love with. Ok, I'll be honest we've only peaked in the windows and one door, but the little bit we've seen, we've liked. It needs some TCL, but from what we can see, it's not in horrible shape. And it is very roomy and open inside. And it has three of my favorite features (I actually prayed that God would let us get a house with these things). It has a bay window...I've always wanted a house with one, it has a fireplace in the living room...can't tell if it's a real one or a fake one, and it has at least one room with a hard-wood floor.

The outside needs paint really bad, but it has the paintable aluminum siding so it won't be bad, and I absolutely love painting and was hoping to have a house we could paint.

**(side note) I once painted houses as a job for a summer with my mom. We paid for the family to go to Disney Land in California.

Anyway, I think I've went on enough for today. As you can tell I've missed blogging. I love sharing parts of my life with you. Just be praying that no matter what God's will is, that we would stay in it. God bless you and keep you till we meet here again.