I sit here at my computer a very humbled woman. I just spent the last little bit reading my old blog (waiting for a blessing). It's crazy to see what God was trying to do in my life and then what I allowed Him to do and kept Him from doing. I truly believe that it was all a process to get me to where I am today, but it was very hard to see my lack of faith.
As I sat here reading, I felt like I was reading the story of someone else besides myself. I wanted to reach through the computer screen and shake this strange person sharing my life story with such negativity. Yes, life has been rough at times, but that doesn't mean that God wasn't working. I could see as I read, the evidence of His working in everything. Scott's cancer, our infertility, the loss of babies, and the joy of becoming parents to Martie. God's work is woven through it all.
There's nothing wrong with being tired, a little depressed or overwhelmed, or any other feelings. But I am glad that I don't sit here letting it all take over my life. I admit, I was a bit embarrassed to read about this strange woman who had daily pity parties. Where was the contentment? Where was the true Joy of the Lord that I "claimed" to have at times? But in the past month things have truly changed with me.
I can only put the blame for that change on God Himself. I gave it all to Him, nailed it on the cross , and He made me a new woman. A changed, forgiven, and free woman. Life will still be tough at times. And with two teenagers in the house and a baby on the way it's sometimes very tough. But I spend time reading His word and praying almost everyday...I'm still not perfect you know. Lol! I can't do this life without Him. He is the source of my true joy!
I want from this point on, to be able to come back and read this blog and see the confidence that I had in God. To see the evidence of His work with no doubts about how He went about it. He never leaves us or forsakes us. He has never left me or forsaken me. I could sit here right now and make a list of all my blessings and not be done with that list for weeks and weeks. And here's a challenge to you (as well as me): Think of what you thanked God for yesterday....what would you have woken up with today if He took everything away except what you thanked Him for yesterday? Are we truly thanking Him for what He does?
I end this post as I started it...sitting here as a humble woman, knowing that all I have is from God and it's my job to give it all back to Him as an offering.
"I love you, Lord
and I lift my voice,
to worship you.
Oh, my soul, rejoice.
Take joy my King,
in what you hear.
May it be a sweet,
sweet sound in Your ear."
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
Almost there!
We are almost parents to a little baby. A baby boy!!!! The birth mom is 36 weeks this week. She has been having some preterm labor but has kept him in this far. We are so ready to welcome our John William into the world. I can't wait to post pictures for everyone to see. :)
Just wanted to update everyone quick. I will add pictures of the nursery tomorrow.
God bless!
Just wanted to update everyone quick. I will add pictures of the nursery tomorrow.
God bless!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Tomorrow is the first Dr. appointment that I get to go to. I am soooooo excited to be a part of this. I still hope she goes through with it. I have bought a few clothes and even a swing (winnie the pooh of course). I registered some more on another site....one that actually had the stroller and carseat combo I wanted. I think I'm finally in too deep not to get hurt. But I just decided that I want to have something to look forward to.
Oh, and one other thing.....I started on some pooh cross-stitch bib's that I have been saving for "someday".
22 weeks this week, which means 18 weeks to go!
We still don't know boy or girl yet. Some days I wanna know so bad and other days I love the idea of a surprise. So I will let God make the decision whether or not we find out.
Oh, and one other thing.....I started on some pooh cross-stitch bib's that I have been saving for "someday".
22 weeks this week, which means 18 weeks to go!
We still don't know boy or girl yet. Some days I wanna know so bad and other days I love the idea of a surprise. So I will let God make the decision whether or not we find out.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
BREAKING NEWS!!!!
So is everyone ready for this news? My blog says we are a family of 4, but we may be adding one more to make us a family of 5!
I've always said that if I were to adopt an infant that it would have to be privately through an attorney and that God would have to drop it in my lap. Well, I guess God thought my lap was empty enough. Here, I'll share how it happened:
I was in Alta Vista a week and a half ago (Martie went to prom with my sister). While there, I got a phone call from a family member who knew someone, who knew a woman who wanted to give her baby up for adoption. I thought, ok, won't hurt to call and find out what's up with this.
We have now met the woman, I have a sonogram picture of the baby, am meeting with the attorney this afternoon, and she just called and invited me to the drs appointment for next Wednesday.
I know that adoption can go either way until the baby is born, but I can't help but get excited. We are wanting to wait on big purchases until after we have the baby, but we'll see if I can actually go without buying a thing....I just might have to go out on a limb and just buy a few things. I actually made a wish list online for my Winnie the Pooh baby stuff. But I'll keep it a secret for now.
So I guess I need to really work on keeping my blog updated. This is the easiest way to share what is going on with all that.
On a different note, our lives are changing one other way at the end of this month. Things have physically gotten so bad with me that I am having a hysterectomy on the 31st. My parents told me that the baby was my reward for having to give up my "woman parts". I guess we'll see. For now I'll leave it at that and ask that everyone pray hard that this works out for us. The girls are so, so excited (as are our extended families).
Our potential baby
I've always said that if I were to adopt an infant that it would have to be privately through an attorney and that God would have to drop it in my lap. Well, I guess God thought my lap was empty enough. Here, I'll share how it happened:
I was in Alta Vista a week and a half ago (Martie went to prom with my sister). While there, I got a phone call from a family member who knew someone, who knew a woman who wanted to give her baby up for adoption. I thought, ok, won't hurt to call and find out what's up with this.
We have now met the woman, I have a sonogram picture of the baby, am meeting with the attorney this afternoon, and she just called and invited me to the drs appointment for next Wednesday.
I know that adoption can go either way until the baby is born, but I can't help but get excited. We are wanting to wait on big purchases until after we have the baby, but we'll see if I can actually go without buying a thing....I just might have to go out on a limb and just buy a few things. I actually made a wish list online for my Winnie the Pooh baby stuff. But I'll keep it a secret for now.
So I guess I need to really work on keeping my blog updated. This is the easiest way to share what is going on with all that.
On a different note, our lives are changing one other way at the end of this month. Things have physically gotten so bad with me that I am having a hysterectomy on the 31st. My parents told me that the baby was my reward for having to give up my "woman parts". I guess we'll see. For now I'll leave it at that and ask that everyone pray hard that this works out for us. The girls are so, so excited (as are our extended families).
Our potential baby
Friday, January 6, 2012
The Holidays
So Christmas was good this year...like usual. We spent the time with my husbands family. I love being there. I love seeing nieces and nephews and watching them open presents. I made like oodles of cookies and other goodies (some of which are still in the freezer...yeah, like I said oodles). One of my favorite things is getting my brother-in-law, Randy all riled up. It's pretty easy. Just call jello a dessert and you've got a full-fledged argument on your hands (he swears that all jello is a salad). To be honest, I really don't care what you consider it, I just love jello.
Being with my husbands family is a very relaxing time. Most of the adults take turns napping so that someone is always watching the little ones...but we all end up sleeping. It's a good time.
Then for New Year's we went to my family's place in Alta Vista. I love being there, too. I love the food that we all eat (oodles and gobs...and I still have cookies left). I love my nieces and nephews all the same on this side of the family too.
But you know, after all those similarities, my family is totally opposite. Where I get rested up at my in-laws house, I usually wear myself out at my parents house. We stay up all hours of the night and then get up early the next morning (or just a few hours later) so that we don't miss a single moment with anyone.
This year my older sister and her boyfriend came down. This thrilled all of us because she lives in Minnesota and doesn't get to travel to Kansas very often. And her boyfriend, Robbie, is so much fun to be around. I'm very adamant about couples being married before living together, but I guess in this case I will love them anyway and call him brother-in-law.
It's so neat to watch the family grow and watch us have to use a bigger table each year. We used to be able to fit on the dining room table with a card table in the living room close by. Not anymore...my parents pull out the full-size ping-pong table and we cover it with a pretty table cloth and set the chairs around it. Then we have a dining room size table set up for the teenagers (and a couple or two that think they are still young...lol). And then there's the really little kid table...a plastic "little tykes" table. This seats the 3 that are old enough to sit by themselves. (there's still one that is an infant) I'm pretty sure I won't even try to count because I would get lost.
And this year it was our turn to add to the table. Yeppers...Katryna got to spend New Years Day with us. She didn't get to spend the night, but we left at 4:00 in the morning to pick her up by 6:00. Then we got back to my parents house at 8:00 and got ready for church. It was so much fun to watch her interact with everyone again (I say again, because she was with us at Easter just as a guest). She did meet a few new people that weren't there at Easter. She had to be back to the place she's staying at 10:00 pm. Boo =(
She got to open a bunch of presents from everyone, and was even a part of our white elephant gift exchange. We took pictures as a family, even though we were dressed in sweats and "play" clothes instead of "good" clothes. We are so ready for her to be in our house.
She started talking that day about changing her name. My older sister asked her what her last name was and Katryna almost wasn't going to tell her. Daggers almost shot out of her eyes. (I can't blame her for not liking her last name...I can't share, but there's a good reason). She then talked about changing her facebook page asap and putting the Soodsma name on it. And she wants the yearbook to have it as Soodsma as of when she gets back. It made me tear up to hear her talk about taking our name.
And then, to top it all off, she plays piano. Ok, let me back up a little to share the whole story. Martie got a keyboard for Christmas from Santa. Within a week she had a song learned and was playing (two-handed chords) and singing with it. So we had her play for my family on the piano. Martie gets done, and Katryna asks if she can play a song. All I have to say is that my girls are very talented and I can't wait to polish it all up and get them performing with me on stage.
Well, I could go on forever and ever, but I'll save some for another post. If you can't tell, I'm so excited. I love being a mommy to two beautiful and amazing girls. What a blessed woman I am.
Below is our family of four...and of course the new sisters:
Being with my husbands family is a very relaxing time. Most of the adults take turns napping so that someone is always watching the little ones...but we all end up sleeping. It's a good time.
Then for New Year's we went to my family's place in Alta Vista. I love being there, too. I love the food that we all eat (oodles and gobs...and I still have cookies left). I love my nieces and nephews all the same on this side of the family too.
But you know, after all those similarities, my family is totally opposite. Where I get rested up at my in-laws house, I usually wear myself out at my parents house. We stay up all hours of the night and then get up early the next morning (or just a few hours later) so that we don't miss a single moment with anyone.
This year my older sister and her boyfriend came down. This thrilled all of us because she lives in Minnesota and doesn't get to travel to Kansas very often. And her boyfriend, Robbie, is so much fun to be around. I'm very adamant about couples being married before living together, but I guess in this case I will love them anyway and call him brother-in-law.
It's so neat to watch the family grow and watch us have to use a bigger table each year. We used to be able to fit on the dining room table with a card table in the living room close by. Not anymore...my parents pull out the full-size ping-pong table and we cover it with a pretty table cloth and set the chairs around it. Then we have a dining room size table set up for the teenagers (and a couple or two that think they are still young...lol). And then there's the really little kid table...a plastic "little tykes" table. This seats the 3 that are old enough to sit by themselves. (there's still one that is an infant) I'm pretty sure I won't even try to count because I would get lost.
And this year it was our turn to add to the table. Yeppers...Katryna got to spend New Years Day with us. She didn't get to spend the night, but we left at 4:00 in the morning to pick her up by 6:00. Then we got back to my parents house at 8:00 and got ready for church. It was so much fun to watch her interact with everyone again (I say again, because she was with us at Easter just as a guest). She did meet a few new people that weren't there at Easter. She had to be back to the place she's staying at 10:00 pm. Boo =(
She got to open a bunch of presents from everyone, and was even a part of our white elephant gift exchange. We took pictures as a family, even though we were dressed in sweats and "play" clothes instead of "good" clothes. We are so ready for her to be in our house.
She started talking that day about changing her name. My older sister asked her what her last name was and Katryna almost wasn't going to tell her. Daggers almost shot out of her eyes. (I can't blame her for not liking her last name...I can't share, but there's a good reason). She then talked about changing her facebook page asap and putting the Soodsma name on it. And she wants the yearbook to have it as Soodsma as of when she gets back. It made me tear up to hear her talk about taking our name.
And then, to top it all off, she plays piano. Ok, let me back up a little to share the whole story. Martie got a keyboard for Christmas from Santa. Within a week she had a song learned and was playing (two-handed chords) and singing with it. So we had her play for my family on the piano. Martie gets done, and Katryna asks if she can play a song. All I have to say is that my girls are very talented and I can't wait to polish it all up and get them performing with me on stage.
Well, I could go on forever and ever, but I'll save some for another post. If you can't tell, I'm so excited. I love being a mommy to two beautiful and amazing girls. What a blessed woman I am.
Below is our family of four...and of course the new sisters:
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Agony and A-ha!
Agony, pure agony. I'll tell you what it is. It's when your soon-to-be newest daughter calls on the phone almost every night and is almost in tears asking when she can come home. To hear her voice saying, "Mama, Papa, can't I just come home?" Talk about heart-breaking...especially when I can't do diddly-squat about it.
But anyway, I was thinking tonight about something. Psalms 113:9, "He makes the barren woman abide in the house As a joyful mother of children. Praise the LORD!" God gave me this verse about 5 or 6 6 years ago when I wondered why I couldn't have a baby. I've always held on to this verse and I've even had people tell me that they envisioned me with my house full of children (even if they weren't my own).
Guess what I realized?!?!?!?! I am a happy mother of children...yes, plural! I have Martaysha, soon to by Katryna....and to add to it, I have friends of Martie's and Katryna's that call me mom. Martie's boyfriend for example calls me "mommy #2". I can't even begin to express how this makes me feel. It's such a great feeling to watch God answer a prayer that is 8 years old.
And as I look back I can see how everything fit together. I may have gotten angry and frustrated at the time, but if things didn't work out just like they did, all of it would be different.
For example, if we had our own baby we never would have adopted Martie (loss #1). Then if we hadn't adopted Martie, she wouldn't have become friends with Katryna and taken her under our wing....and there would be no adoption of Katryna. Then, if we didn't have Martie, she wouldn't be dating Neal and therefore, I would not be his other mommy. Are we seeing a pattern here? There's a reason for everything.
So, just think about your life. Have you had times that didn't make sense, and maybe even made you angry? Just think of your future (past all these "trials") and imagine what good God might do with it all. I promise it's there! God Bless!!!!
But anyway, I was thinking tonight about something. Psalms 113:9, "He makes the barren woman abide in the house As a joyful mother of children. Praise the LORD!" God gave me this verse about 5 or 6 6 years ago when I wondered why I couldn't have a baby. I've always held on to this verse and I've even had people tell me that they envisioned me with my house full of children (even if they weren't my own).
Guess what I realized?!?!?!?! I am a happy mother of children...yes, plural! I have Martaysha, soon to by Katryna....and to add to it, I have friends of Martie's and Katryna's that call me mom. Martie's boyfriend for example calls me "mommy #2". I can't even begin to express how this makes me feel. It's such a great feeling to watch God answer a prayer that is 8 years old.
And as I look back I can see how everything fit together. I may have gotten angry and frustrated at the time, but if things didn't work out just like they did, all of it would be different.
For example, if we had our own baby we never would have adopted Martie (loss #1). Then if we hadn't adopted Martie, she wouldn't have become friends with Katryna and taken her under our wing....and there would be no adoption of Katryna. Then, if we didn't have Martie, she wouldn't be dating Neal and therefore, I would not be his other mommy. Are we seeing a pattern here? There's a reason for everything.
So, just think about your life. Have you had times that didn't make sense, and maybe even made you angry? Just think of your future (past all these "trials") and imagine what good God might do with it all. I promise it's there! God Bless!!!!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
New Addition
I am so excited to be posting this....I feel like I did a little over 3 years ago when we found out we were adopting Martie.
Here goes....
We are adopting again!!!!!
Yes, you heard me correctly. God finally said it was time once again to add to our family. She is actually from our area and we know her really well. We know her situation and what she's been through. She just turned 14 in October. Yes, we weren't sure we wanted to do the whole teenage girl thing again....but I've learned that what we want and what God wants us to do are usually two different things.
She is such a sweet girl. She and Martie are already good friends, so the transition to sisters won't be a drastic change. The only difference is that they will fight more because they will live together.
We started our paperwork, fingerprints, and will be doing our physicals very soon. The tentative date for right now is February 17th/18th. (yep..right around my birthday!) There is a chance it could be sooner, but with the state and the way it went with Martie, I'll keep the Feb date in mind.
If the paperwork gets done in time, we may get to see her for New Years at my parents house, but again this is up to whether or not the paperwork gets done and they get things in line. They want it all done soon so we can start getting weekend visitation. That will be awesome. We get to talk to her on the phone as much as we want and if we are that direction, we get to visit her if we want. We just can't take her out of that place for a visit until all the stuff gets done.
It sounds really crazy, but we have been getting a much better response this time around. Not that people weren't excited that we were adopting Martie, but I think it was such unknown territory around us that people didn't know what to do. I also think they were worried about how two inexperienced parents were gonna do with a teenager. I guess we must be doing a good job, because people seem to know a little more how to act and that we will be just fine.
One really neat thing about it was that when we announced it at church, it actually gave me a feeling that I think is close to announcing to people that you're pregnant. I don't really remember with Martie how that was...but I think since it was all so unknown and new, the feelings of fear and anxiety clouded the excitement that I felt. This time I am able to just fully feel the excitement since we know the process.
So I finally get to announce one more time that we are "expecting"!!!!
Here goes....
We are adopting again!!!!!
Yes, you heard me correctly. God finally said it was time once again to add to our family. She is actually from our area and we know her really well. We know her situation and what she's been through. She just turned 14 in October. Yes, we weren't sure we wanted to do the whole teenage girl thing again....but I've learned that what we want and what God wants us to do are usually two different things.
She is such a sweet girl. She and Martie are already good friends, so the transition to sisters won't be a drastic change. The only difference is that they will fight more because they will live together.
We started our paperwork, fingerprints, and will be doing our physicals very soon. The tentative date for right now is February 17th/18th. (yep..right around my birthday!) There is a chance it could be sooner, but with the state and the way it went with Martie, I'll keep the Feb date in mind.
If the paperwork gets done in time, we may get to see her for New Years at my parents house, but again this is up to whether or not the paperwork gets done and they get things in line. They want it all done soon so we can start getting weekend visitation. That will be awesome. We get to talk to her on the phone as much as we want and if we are that direction, we get to visit her if we want. We just can't take her out of that place for a visit until all the stuff gets done.
It sounds really crazy, but we have been getting a much better response this time around. Not that people weren't excited that we were adopting Martie, but I think it was such unknown territory around us that people didn't know what to do. I also think they were worried about how two inexperienced parents were gonna do with a teenager. I guess we must be doing a good job, because people seem to know a little more how to act and that we will be just fine.
One really neat thing about it was that when we announced it at church, it actually gave me a feeling that I think is close to announcing to people that you're pregnant. I don't really remember with Martie how that was...but I think since it was all so unknown and new, the feelings of fear and anxiety clouded the excitement that I felt. This time I am able to just fully feel the excitement since we know the process.
So I finally get to announce one more time that we are "expecting"!!!!
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