I almost don't know what more to say besides the title. But I better explain. We have taken a very large break from "trying" and those who follow my blog understand what I mean by that. This past May we hadn't even started trying for the summer yet when we ended up pregnant and I miscarried at the end of May. Since then I've not been ready or willing to risk trying hard for a baby.
This past weekend I also made the decision to give it all up to God. And I have been perfectly content to leave it in His hands and if I don't ever have my own baby, I'm ok with that. But today I all of a sudden had the thought that this cycle I want to try the clomid again. I have some on hand and the timing of it would have me taking it on Tuesday night. So the question is....do I take it and do we try, or do we just leave it alone and accept life as it is.
I don't want to give up too soon when there might be a chance, but at the same time, if it's not in God's will I don't want to push where I don't belong. I also don't want to get pregnant and miscarry once again. 6 has been plenty (and I just ordered the May stone for my memorial necklace). We don't need 7 angel babies.
I have not made up my mind yet, and thank goodness I have a couple days to be praying and thinking about it. If it's what God wants, I will give it my all and do exactly as I'm supposed to as far as dr's and things. And if it's not God's will, then we will go on as we have been and I will be content with what God has given me. So can I ask that you be praying for and with me in the next couple days as I seek God's will in all of this?
In other business, we are still waiting about the house we want. We were approved for a loan, but they won't loan us the $$ until the wiring gets replaced by the owner. So this next week we will be talking to the owner and trying to negotiate. I still really like this house and would love it, but I am choosing to take this the same way as the clomid thing....I want to be in God's will, so I want what He wants.
Just keep praying, I'll keep you posted, and all will be great and wonderful no matter what. Love to you all and God's blessings over you.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Same Old...
So at the moment we are still looking at one house in particular. It's a little bit of a fixer-upper, but yet it is very roomy and we can see ourselves living there very easily. The only thing keeping us from jumping right away is making sure that there will be finances to fix it up (meaning more of a loan). It depends on if a bank thinks our credit is good enough, if the house has enough potential, and what we are able to talk the owner down to in price.
I'm just so excited for an opportunity like this, though. I want to own my own home, and I don't even mind a fixer-upper. That way we can make things the way we want them.
So as of yet, we are not moving =( but I'm hoping we get to move shortly after the new year. Ok, at least before the school year is over.
Anyway, other than that, our life is not really exciting. I have a new nephew, and that's pretty awesome. I got to be at the hospital when he was born (not in the room). He looks just like my brother, and I'm excited to see how his personality is as he grows up.
I'll admit it makes me a little sad for myself seeing them with the new baby. Only because I know that it will never be me. It is a daily struggle for me to take these negative thoughts captive and fully trust in the Lord, but that is what I spend my days doing. As of right now, this blog is one of the few places I share my feelings. I share with my husband (don't get much sympathy his way) and that's about it. Deep down I know that it's hard for others to understand. They have all experienced childbirth and raising a baby, they are able to fully have joy in a new babies birth in a way that I will never have. I'm excited don't get me wrong, but it takes conscious effort to shake off negative feelings and truly feel the joy of the Lord.
But I've made a commitment to not go back to my old self. The one that is so depressed and bitter that I can't even see straight. Even if it is a struggle the rest of my life, I will fight off those feelings. Even when I'm all alone without any other person understanding, I will not allow these feelings to shape who I am.
Ok, that got a little too deep. I apologize...but I guess it's the real me coming out. I guess even when a person isn't angry, they still have to vent. Either that or I still have some work to do in myself.
Anyway, I pray that we both keep the joy of the Lord in all situations. God bless!
I'm just so excited for an opportunity like this, though. I want to own my own home, and I don't even mind a fixer-upper. That way we can make things the way we want them.
So as of yet, we are not moving =( but I'm hoping we get to move shortly after the new year. Ok, at least before the school year is over.
Anyway, other than that, our life is not really exciting. I have a new nephew, and that's pretty awesome. I got to be at the hospital when he was born (not in the room). He looks just like my brother, and I'm excited to see how his personality is as he grows up.
I'll admit it makes me a little sad for myself seeing them with the new baby. Only because I know that it will never be me. It is a daily struggle for me to take these negative thoughts captive and fully trust in the Lord, but that is what I spend my days doing. As of right now, this blog is one of the few places I share my feelings. I share with my husband (don't get much sympathy his way) and that's about it. Deep down I know that it's hard for others to understand. They have all experienced childbirth and raising a baby, they are able to fully have joy in a new babies birth in a way that I will never have. I'm excited don't get me wrong, but it takes conscious effort to shake off negative feelings and truly feel the joy of the Lord.
But I've made a commitment to not go back to my old self. The one that is so depressed and bitter that I can't even see straight. Even if it is a struggle the rest of my life, I will fight off those feelings. Even when I'm all alone without any other person understanding, I will not allow these feelings to shape who I am.
Ok, that got a little too deep. I apologize...but I guess it's the real me coming out. I guess even when a person isn't angry, they still have to vent. Either that or I still have some work to do in myself.
Anyway, I pray that we both keep the joy of the Lord in all situations. God bless!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Hoping for a new adventure
I know, I know, it's been too long again. Please forgive me. Life went nuts and then our internet/computer was being weird (well, it still is) and I finally broke down and hooked our laptop to the internet to get some web surfing done. I found out I really do miss the internet. It's a great way to keep in touch with people.
We have a major life-change coming up (hopefully soon). We are moving. Yes, you heard that correctly. We are looking at houses in a nearby town (where our church and my brother is).
May I stray for just a short while..speaking of my brother. He and his wife just had their baby this past Thursday and now I'm even more excited than I was before to get there. He's the cutest thing and looks so much like his daddy. And he's so quiet I've only heard him cry like once or twice.
Anyway, back to what I'm really blogging about. Tonight we are looking at a house that needs some tlc. It's been neglected, but it has some awesome potential from what we've seen so far. But tonight we get to see the inside in all its completeness and really decide if it's the house for us.
It has only 1 bathroom and two bedrooms, but it has a huge living room, dining room, and kitchen...and the bedrooms are very niced sized. It also has a full, unfinished basement (or so we've been told). Scott talked to the owner this morning to set up our time and she said that people have used part of the basement as a bedroom for kids...so maybe it's not completely unfinished.
It has hard-wood floors at least in one bedroom, a bay window, and a fake fireplace in the living room.....hey it's the ambiance we are looking for...lol. Like I said it needs some tlc, but it seems to be a good sturdy home.
Scott also found out that it was built in the early 1900's and has been in this woman's family since then. It has been passed down and finally came to her and now she has to sell it. Well, what better owners than us. We will have so much pride in our home and will make sure it's well taken care of. Plus I am very sentimental and I love things that are family heirlooms. I have some things that have been passed down to me from older generations, and I treasure those things more than any other items in my house (I said "items" not people).
So that's our life right now. Not much else except looking at homes and waiting for the right one so we can get on with life in a new town. Talk to you later. God bless!
We have a major life-change coming up (hopefully soon). We are moving. Yes, you heard that correctly. We are looking at houses in a nearby town (where our church and my brother is).
May I stray for just a short while..speaking of my brother. He and his wife just had their baby this past Thursday and now I'm even more excited than I was before to get there. He's the cutest thing and looks so much like his daddy. And he's so quiet I've only heard him cry like once or twice.
Anyway, back to what I'm really blogging about. Tonight we are looking at a house that needs some tlc. It's been neglected, but it has some awesome potential from what we've seen so far. But tonight we get to see the inside in all its completeness and really decide if it's the house for us.
It has only 1 bathroom and two bedrooms, but it has a huge living room, dining room, and kitchen...and the bedrooms are very niced sized. It also has a full, unfinished basement (or so we've been told). Scott talked to the owner this morning to set up our time and she said that people have used part of the basement as a bedroom for kids...so maybe it's not completely unfinished.
It has hard-wood floors at least in one bedroom, a bay window, and a fake fireplace in the living room.....hey it's the ambiance we are looking for...lol. Like I said it needs some tlc, but it seems to be a good sturdy home.
Scott also found out that it was built in the early 1900's and has been in this woman's family since then. It has been passed down and finally came to her and now she has to sell it. Well, what better owners than us. We will have so much pride in our home and will make sure it's well taken care of. Plus I am very sentimental and I love things that are family heirlooms. I have some things that have been passed down to me from older generations, and I treasure those things more than any other items in my house (I said "items" not people).
So that's our life right now. Not much else except looking at homes and waiting for the right one so we can get on with life in a new town. Talk to you later. God bless!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Life
Sorry it's been so long. I have a couple reasons for that.
One: our desktop computer got a virus and is not working properly
and
Two: I've been very busy and sick
I ended up not finishing my 24 day challenge because we thought I might be pregnant and I knew not to diet when I thought I was pregnant. So I am now finishing where I left off, but I don't think the effect will be the same. I will probably continue some of the weight loss products and try to lose weight, but I won't blog everyday about the progress. (some of you are cheering right about now)
I think we have made somewhat of a decision about the baby/pregnancy thing in our lives. For right now we are supposed to raise our daughter as an only child (I'll be honest she takes quite a bit of attention). I will continue with my weight loss until I hit my goal weight.
After I hit my goal weight and Martie is out of the house (or closer to out of the house) we will start thinking about if we want to expand the family, and possibly how we want to do that. We will be praying as of now about it...because it's never too early to start praying.
We aren't sure we want to adopt again. Nothing against Martie, but it's can be very tough. It's been quite an emotional experience and I don't think it's something we are called to do again. (but that's where the prayer comes in...God's will, not ours)
There is one other medical procedure that we haven't tried that's not as expensive as some of the high tech ones, and we are considering trying that one in the future. But like I said, this will be a year or two into the future. I have actually become quite content with our little family, and I'm really ok if we are not going to have any other children.
Ok, our possible future children (or not) is not exactly what I'd call breaking news or even a big-time announcement. But I do have something that is in the process of changing that is very exciting.......
.....we are looking at houses. We are ready to be home-owners again. We are looking in a nearby town (about 15-20 mins away from our town now). And as of now, we found one we all fell in love with. Ok, I'll be honest we've only peaked in the windows and one door, but the little bit we've seen, we've liked. It needs some TCL, but from what we can see, it's not in horrible shape. And it is very roomy and open inside. And it has three of my favorite features (I actually prayed that God would let us get a house with these things). It has a bay window...I've always wanted a house with one, it has a fireplace in the living room...can't tell if it's a real one or a fake one, and it has at least one room with a hard-wood floor.
The outside needs paint really bad, but it has the paintable aluminum siding so it won't be bad, and I absolutely love painting and was hoping to have a house we could paint.
**(side note) I once painted houses as a job for a summer with my mom. We paid for the family to go to Disney Land in California.
Anyway, I think I've went on enough for today. As you can tell I've missed blogging. I love sharing parts of my life with you. Just be praying that no matter what God's will is, that we would stay in it. God bless you and keep you till we meet here again.
One: our desktop computer got a virus and is not working properly
and
Two: I've been very busy and sick
I ended up not finishing my 24 day challenge because we thought I might be pregnant and I knew not to diet when I thought I was pregnant. So I am now finishing where I left off, but I don't think the effect will be the same. I will probably continue some of the weight loss products and try to lose weight, but I won't blog everyday about the progress. (some of you are cheering right about now)
I think we have made somewhat of a decision about the baby/pregnancy thing in our lives. For right now we are supposed to raise our daughter as an only child (I'll be honest she takes quite a bit of attention). I will continue with my weight loss until I hit my goal weight.
After I hit my goal weight and Martie is out of the house (or closer to out of the house) we will start thinking about if we want to expand the family, and possibly how we want to do that. We will be praying as of now about it...because it's never too early to start praying.
We aren't sure we want to adopt again. Nothing against Martie, but it's can be very tough. It's been quite an emotional experience and I don't think it's something we are called to do again. (but that's where the prayer comes in...God's will, not ours)
There is one other medical procedure that we haven't tried that's not as expensive as some of the high tech ones, and we are considering trying that one in the future. But like I said, this will be a year or two into the future. I have actually become quite content with our little family, and I'm really ok if we are not going to have any other children.
Ok, our possible future children (or not) is not exactly what I'd call breaking news or even a big-time announcement. But I do have something that is in the process of changing that is very exciting.......
.....we are looking at houses. We are ready to be home-owners again. We are looking in a nearby town (about 15-20 mins away from our town now). And as of now, we found one we all fell in love with. Ok, I'll be honest we've only peaked in the windows and one door, but the little bit we've seen, we've liked. It needs some TCL, but from what we can see, it's not in horrible shape. And it is very roomy and open inside. And it has three of my favorite features (I actually prayed that God would let us get a house with these things). It has a bay window...I've always wanted a house with one, it has a fireplace in the living room...can't tell if it's a real one or a fake one, and it has at least one room with a hard-wood floor.
The outside needs paint really bad, but it has the paintable aluminum siding so it won't be bad, and I absolutely love painting and was hoping to have a house we could paint.
**(side note) I once painted houses as a job for a summer with my mom. We paid for the family to go to Disney Land in California.
Anyway, I think I've went on enough for today. As you can tell I've missed blogging. I love sharing parts of my life with you. Just be praying that no matter what God's will is, that we would stay in it. God bless you and keep you till we meet here again.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Day 14
I had to sit and think about what day I was really on? I think with my chaotic life right now, I can't really count as well. I need to go back and check now, but I might have put the wrong day in yesterday. Oh, well.
I slept in, which was nice, and now I'm just getting ready to eat/drink my breakfast. I've come to really enjoy being alone in the mornings at my computer, able to sort my thoughts before I start another hectic day. I can share what God is speaking to me, share my joys, share my struggles, and then get on with my cleaning, packing, and whatever else seems to take up the day.
Yesterday I had a little too much fun packing boxes. I turned my music on, closed the blinds, and I was dancing and singing like a crazy person. It was so much fun, and I hope to be able to do it again today.
I don't think I mentioned it, but we looked at a house the day before yesterday. I was excited to start the process and look at our first house, but I was a little disappointed in the house. It was not the house for us and didn't have the potential we wanted. We have a couple more options, we are just waiting for the realtor to call or send us a list of what he has for sale.
I admit that I get a little anxious in waiting. I'm so ready to get moved closer to our church, closer to the ladies that I walk with, and closer to my brother, his wife, and soon their baby (my nephew). I'll keep you updated on how that goes. Other than this little bit I've shared today, my life is chaotic, but simple....clean house, pack boxes, make lunch or supper and babysit a couple times a week. Sounds good to me for the moment.
God bless you lots!
I slept in, which was nice, and now I'm just getting ready to eat/drink my breakfast. I've come to really enjoy being alone in the mornings at my computer, able to sort my thoughts before I start another hectic day. I can share what God is speaking to me, share my joys, share my struggles, and then get on with my cleaning, packing, and whatever else seems to take up the day.
Yesterday I had a little too much fun packing boxes. I turned my music on, closed the blinds, and I was dancing and singing like a crazy person. It was so much fun, and I hope to be able to do it again today.
I don't think I mentioned it, but we looked at a house the day before yesterday. I was excited to start the process and look at our first house, but I was a little disappointed in the house. It was not the house for us and didn't have the potential we wanted. We have a couple more options, we are just waiting for the realtor to call or send us a list of what he has for sale.
I admit that I get a little anxious in waiting. I'm so ready to get moved closer to our church, closer to the ladies that I walk with, and closer to my brother, his wife, and soon their baby (my nephew). I'll keep you updated on how that goes. Other than this little bit I've shared today, my life is chaotic, but simple....clean house, pack boxes, make lunch or supper and babysit a couple times a week. Sounds good to me for the moment.
God bless you lots!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Day 13
So today might be a little more about my weight loss. I weighed today and I'm so excited. From my top weight I have went down exactly 50 pounds...yippee!!!! This was a really big deal for me this morning.
I have also lost some inches, but I haven't measured everything yet. I do know I lost another 1.5 inches just around my stomach/waist. So far it's been a good day with good news.
It also rained last night, so it's very refreshing this morning. Nice and cool with an awesome smell outside (I love the smell after it's rained).
And to top things off, we are leaning on the end of the week, and I get to see some of my family on Saturday for a big craft fair. It's our annual thing and I look forward to it all year. And then to top it all off, I did the checkbook and I have more money to spend there than I thought.
So that's been my day so far. Here in a little bit I get to go run some errands and get a few household things.
That's actually something else that's new in our life right now. We are officially looking at buying our own house. We've alredy started looking at some, and so far nothing has caught our attention, but I'm excited to have our own place to fix up as we see fit. I can do flooring, paint, new curtains/blinds, and whatever we want to (as we can afford it that is).
But anyway, that's life for us right now. Some transitions coming up, but things are still good. Our house is a mess now and very chaotic with boxes everywhere and trying to figure out what we can start packing now and what needs to wait. I'm also a very organized packer, so it takes me longer to do it. I like to make sure what goes into boxes is categorized properly. I have also been throwing and giving stuff away like crazy. The less I have to move, the better.
But I guess I better go. It's breakfast time and I think I'm drinking a chocolate breakfast today.
God bless you and keeep you till we meet again.
I have also lost some inches, but I haven't measured everything yet. I do know I lost another 1.5 inches just around my stomach/waist. So far it's been a good day with good news.
It also rained last night, so it's very refreshing this morning. Nice and cool with an awesome smell outside (I love the smell after it's rained).
And to top things off, we are leaning on the end of the week, and I get to see some of my family on Saturday for a big craft fair. It's our annual thing and I look forward to it all year. And then to top it all off, I did the checkbook and I have more money to spend there than I thought.
So that's been my day so far. Here in a little bit I get to go run some errands and get a few household things.
That's actually something else that's new in our life right now. We are officially looking at buying our own house. We've alredy started looking at some, and so far nothing has caught our attention, but I'm excited to have our own place to fix up as we see fit. I can do flooring, paint, new curtains/blinds, and whatever we want to (as we can afford it that is).
But anyway, that's life for us right now. Some transitions coming up, but things are still good. Our house is a mess now and very chaotic with boxes everywhere and trying to figure out what we can start packing now and what needs to wait. I'm also a very organized packer, so it takes me longer to do it. I like to make sure what goes into boxes is categorized properly. I have also been throwing and giving stuff away like crazy. The less I have to move, the better.
But I guess I better go. It's breakfast time and I think I'm drinking a chocolate breakfast today.
God bless you and keeep you till we meet again.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Day 12
We are two days into phase two of this challenge. I don't even think, at this moment, about the progress that I'm making. My life has been turned upside down and pretty much everything is changing. In fact it's so crazy, that I haven't been able to eat because my stomach is a tad upset.
So today, I just sit here knowing that my life is changing so much. And it sounds crazy, but this change is all a good thing...even when it seems negative. My faith is growing in leaps and bounds everyday. And wanna know one good thing that I already konw about my faith growing? My singing is so different. I used to just sing. Now because my faith is so real and I feel so free I am able to "SING!!!"
When I sit and sing a song, I feel it so much within my heart and soul, it feels as if I will burst because it can't come out enough. It's so hard to explain, but I want everyone to know the faith that I have, and know this wonderful God that I serve. He won't ever let me (or you) down. How can I keep this a secret?
This does not mean that I always have a happy, giddy feeling. Just Monday I was crying out to God. I was asking Him why my life is a mess, and why He was doing some of the things He was doing. But the faith comes in when I can, even in my doubt, trust that He is good and will never leave me or forsake me. That's what makes my new faith different.
So forget the 24-day challenge for now (even though I keep doing it and will mention it). A new body is nice, but it's not the point of this life. I will follow God even if I forget diets and grow to be 500 pounds. All that matters is that I love God and I share that Love with everyone around me.
God Bless you, and I pray He gets hold of your heart for life!
So today, I just sit here knowing that my life is changing so much. And it sounds crazy, but this change is all a good thing...even when it seems negative. My faith is growing in leaps and bounds everyday. And wanna know one good thing that I already konw about my faith growing? My singing is so different. I used to just sing. Now because my faith is so real and I feel so free I am able to "SING!!!"
When I sit and sing a song, I feel it so much within my heart and soul, it feels as if I will burst because it can't come out enough. It's so hard to explain, but I want everyone to know the faith that I have, and know this wonderful God that I serve. He won't ever let me (or you) down. How can I keep this a secret?
This does not mean that I always have a happy, giddy feeling. Just Monday I was crying out to God. I was asking Him why my life is a mess, and why He was doing some of the things He was doing. But the faith comes in when I can, even in my doubt, trust that He is good and will never leave me or forsake me. That's what makes my new faith different.
So forget the 24-day challenge for now (even though I keep doing it and will mention it). A new body is nice, but it's not the point of this life. I will follow God even if I forget diets and grow to be 500 pounds. All that matters is that I love God and I share that Love with everyone around me.
God Bless you, and I pray He gets hold of your heart for life!
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