Life really gets away from a person sometimes. Here lately, I feel as if I can't seem to keep my head above water for very long. Between trying to clean house, make meals, go to appointments, take care of a baby, and discipline 2 teen girls, I don't get much done. And most of the time it's my house that doesn't get clean.
Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, my kids and my life overall..but sometimes this mama feels a bit overwhelmed.
My problem is that I compare myself to others. I visit others homes and I see houses cleaner than mine. I watch tv (don't judge me...I'm not the only one who does this) and I compare my house to what I see. I've been watching "Leave It To Beaver" lately and it's very intimidating to watch a woman who's house is always clean and she is always nice to her husband.
I know that I can't expect things to be perfect, but I just want to be a little closer than I am now.
I want to be able to have someone stop by on a whim and not have to feel ashamed of the 2 and a half inches of dust on my shelves and tv stand. And not have so much dirt ground into my carpet that it looks like we need to plant grass. Anyone with me so far? There's gotta be someone out there that feels this same way...deep down inside somewhere.
And then I think about those poems and sayings that talk about how having a perfect looking house is not what's important...it's the time you have as a family. The memories you make together. Maybe it's time that I quit trying to make everything look like June Cleaver's house. After all, that's a staged tv show, and in reality she doesn't ever have to actually clean that house.
It's Christmas time and my favorite time of year. I guess it's time to get on with Christmas and make some magical memories in this family.
Excuse This House
Some houses try to hide the fact
That children shelter there.
Ours boasts of it quite openly,
The signs are every where.
For smears are on the windows,
Little smudges on the doors;
I should apologize I guess
For toys strewn on the floor.
But I sat down with the children
And we played and laughed and read,
And if the doorbell doesn't shine,
Their eyes will shine instead.
For when at times I'm forced to
Choose the one job or the other,
I want to be a housewife...
But first I'll be a mother.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Scars
Since we have adopted John, I've spent a lot of time looking back at my life and seeing how God has worked. I could go on and on about the things that He was worked out that we weren't sure would work out. Each time I became a mom again was His perfect timing. Each trial that I went through was a gift from Him. Can you believe I even said that? But it's true.
One I want to focus on is how God worked out John's adoption. Scott and I had tried for somewhere between 8 and 9 years to have a baby of our own. To go even further back, I've had PCOS for as long as I can remember. I was told in High School that I might never be able to have a baby. I was never sure if it was the dr that said that making me think it or if it was God, but I've always felt that wouldn't have my own children. But that never kept me from trying.
I also remember saying that Scott and I had a time limit on our trying. For some reason, even in my early 20's, I would say that Scott and I only had until I was 30 to try for a baby. This used to make Scott frustrated because he didn't feel that we should put a time limit on it. But there was more to it than just selfishness.
My PCOS got worse and worse as time went on, and finally this year Scott and I made a decision that took a lot of faith. I knew deep down that I would not be having my own baby and I kept trying not to try. I kept trying to give it all to God, but I would end up wanting to "try" again.
At the beginning of the year, Scott and I decided that we wanted to ask a dr to let me have a hysterectomy. We saw one dr that told us just to do birth control since we weren't trying anymore. I didn't want that, I wanted it all gone. It was just time. So finally I went to see my normal dr at the clinic and he set it up for me to see the ob/gyn that visits the clinic. Somewhere around the end of April/beginning of May we saw the dr and set the date for my hysterectomy.
I thought I would cry and be upset, but it was amazing how much lighter I felt about it. Not that it was the easiest thing, but I felt so much joy and peace that I couldn't be upset.
About a week after I set my date I got a phone call about a woman who wanted to give her baby up for adoption. We called her and started contact. I wasn't sure that it would work out, but we wanted to go out on faith and see what God could do.
At the end of May, I had my hysterectomy. That day could be a blog post in itself. That's when it got tough for me. Since then, I've had 3 scars on my stomach. They have slowly gotten a little bit lighter, but I think they will always be there. Scott sees them and will sometimes comment that they remind him of the hardest decision he's seen me make. But I'm proud of my scars.
Why?
Because if it wasn't for my scars, and me giving my fertility up to God once and for all, I would not have my baby. So I look at my scars with joy, not resentment. I see my scars the same way a woman with c-section scars sees her scars...as a reminder of the child God has blessed them with.
We all have scars, we all have things we've given up, either because we have to or because we have chosen to. Look at those scars with joy, not resentment, because there is always a purpose for your scars.
One I want to focus on is how God worked out John's adoption. Scott and I had tried for somewhere between 8 and 9 years to have a baby of our own. To go even further back, I've had PCOS for as long as I can remember. I was told in High School that I might never be able to have a baby. I was never sure if it was the dr that said that making me think it or if it was God, but I've always felt that wouldn't have my own children. But that never kept me from trying.
I also remember saying that Scott and I had a time limit on our trying. For some reason, even in my early 20's, I would say that Scott and I only had until I was 30 to try for a baby. This used to make Scott frustrated because he didn't feel that we should put a time limit on it. But there was more to it than just selfishness.
My PCOS got worse and worse as time went on, and finally this year Scott and I made a decision that took a lot of faith. I knew deep down that I would not be having my own baby and I kept trying not to try. I kept trying to give it all to God, but I would end up wanting to "try" again.
At the beginning of the year, Scott and I decided that we wanted to ask a dr to let me have a hysterectomy. We saw one dr that told us just to do birth control since we weren't trying anymore. I didn't want that, I wanted it all gone. It was just time. So finally I went to see my normal dr at the clinic and he set it up for me to see the ob/gyn that visits the clinic. Somewhere around the end of April/beginning of May we saw the dr and set the date for my hysterectomy.
I thought I would cry and be upset, but it was amazing how much lighter I felt about it. Not that it was the easiest thing, but I felt so much joy and peace that I couldn't be upset.
About a week after I set my date I got a phone call about a woman who wanted to give her baby up for adoption. We called her and started contact. I wasn't sure that it would work out, but we wanted to go out on faith and see what God could do.
At the end of May, I had my hysterectomy. That day could be a blog post in itself. That's when it got tough for me. Since then, I've had 3 scars on my stomach. They have slowly gotten a little bit lighter, but I think they will always be there. Scott sees them and will sometimes comment that they remind him of the hardest decision he's seen me make. But I'm proud of my scars.
Why?
Because if it wasn't for my scars, and me giving my fertility up to God once and for all, I would not have my baby. So I look at my scars with joy, not resentment. I see my scars the same way a woman with c-section scars sees her scars...as a reminder of the child God has blessed them with.
We all have scars, we all have things we've given up, either because we have to or because we have chosen to. Look at those scars with joy, not resentment, because there is always a purpose for your scars.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Chef Melissa...
I'm gonna post twice today. This time will be much more light-hearted. I've just noticed that my meals at home have been blah....or even non-existent. I used to love cooking and in the past while have just kind of quit cooking food. What' wrong with me? I have all these cookbooks sitting in my kitchen and I haven't used half of the recipes in them. Why have so many cookbooks and recipes if you aren't going to use them?
So I had an idea that hit me today. I hope it will make meal-planning a little more fun. I'm going to cook my way through all my cookbooks, one at a time. I am also hoping that this will make me eat better (right now I just grab something junk-foodish because I just don't have the energy) but it's time to make a change. I'm trying a new diet to lose my last little bit of weight (plus some I gained over the summer after my last weight loss plan) and maybe this will help me. I think my family will appreciate it as well since they will be eating better too.
So starting tonight, I'm going to grab one of my family cookbooks and start my journey through some family recipes. Who knows, I might just find a new recipe to fall in love with.
So I had an idea that hit me today. I hope it will make meal-planning a little more fun. I'm going to cook my way through all my cookbooks, one at a time. I am also hoping that this will make me eat better (right now I just grab something junk-foodish because I just don't have the energy) but it's time to make a change. I'm trying a new diet to lose my last little bit of weight (plus some I gained over the summer after my last weight loss plan) and maybe this will help me. I think my family will appreciate it as well since they will be eating better too.
So starting tonight, I'm going to grab one of my family cookbooks and start my journey through some family recipes. Who knows, I might just find a new recipe to fall in love with.
My story part 3....
Before Scott and I were married, we discussed how soon we would want to have kids. It was one thing we never could agree on. He wanted to wait 5 years to have a baby, and I wanted to wait 2 years....well, out loud I said that. I honestly wanted to try as soon as we got married, but I thought 2 years was a good compromise.
I started on birth control a couple months before we were married because Scott was worried we might get pregnant right away. I went along with it until about 6 months after our wedding. Then I used every excuse in the book to quit taking birth control and eventually just quit.
I expected that we would be pregnant very soon, especially since Scott was still very scared that it would happen right away. He didn't feel ready to be a daddy yet. And he had very good reasons for that, because our marriage was not in a good place.
Months went by, and more months went by...no pregnancy. I had researched online that it could take up to a year for a couple to get pregnant, so I hoped that within the year it would happen. (but deep down I had a nagging feeling that I would not have a baby of my own)
After 1 year of trying, we were living in Healy and I had met a woman who had moved to town that was in the same boat, they were trying and not getting pregnant. It was nice to have someone to talk to that understood how I was feeling. Scott took it as a sign that we just weren't supposed to have a baby yet...I didn't want to hear that.
Late summer of 2005 I did a concert in Garden City and started suspecting that I was pregnant. I was having all sorts of signs, my cycle was "MIA", and I kept thinking this was it. My best friend and I went to a county fair in the neighboring county. We both love the fast, spinning rides, so we rode on all of them. After a few rides, we got off our last ride of the evening and we both got sick to our stomach. (very unusual for us)
We both started suspecting that we were pregnant. It was awesome because what could be better than sharing the infertility journey with a friend, but sharing the pregnancy journey together. I was too scared to take one more pregnancy test, so I just waited. My good friend came over shortly after that and was sobbing...she had taken a test and was pregnant! This could only mean one thing....I had to be pregnant as well.
She had invited me to a women of faith weekend that was to take place within a week or so of her finding out she was pregnant (it was August). I was still suspecting I was pregnant. When we got there, I started feeling crampy and then started spotting. At first I really thought it was just my period. But when I had my period I never had cramps. After the first night of spotting, the bleeding got worse and the cramping was different than normal menstrual cramps.
I would have a terrible tightening cramp in my lower tummy (all I could do was grab something and squeeze) and then it would go away for awhile. It kept going on and on during the weekend. This was not like a normal cycle for me, so I started asking God what was going on with my body. I know this may sound strange to everyone else, but as I sat at this women of faith weekend I clearly heard God say to me "It will be ok, she's in my arms now". This told me all I needed to know. I was having a miscarriage.
The cramping got worse and worse as the 2 days went on, and by Sunday I was feeling so miserable. I had a concert to do Sunday evening on the way home and Scott was meeting us on the way home to bring me to this. I somehow made it through singing, and on our way home I kept telling Scott to pull over because I had a strange feeling like I had to push something out and needed to go to the bathroom. We stopped at a convenience store and when I got in there I was "pushing" and heard a plop....in the toilet was a blood clot with gray-ish blob in it. Call it a woman's instinct, but I knew what it was. I felt numb all over, and just flushed the toilet. I went out to our pick-up and calmly said "I just flushed our baby down the toilet."
It was after all the cramping and bleeding stopped (about 2 weeks later) that I finally started letting myself grieve. But it would be years before I fully grieved over it all (and many more miscarriages). This was a time in our marriage that we didn't need an added stress. It was around this time that I really dove into my counseling so that I could get past everything. By the end of the year I was able to work on our marriage and life started getting better. It was also time to start going to a Dr. for help in getting pregnant.
I guess I'll stop at this point, the next part adds a new twist to our lives that nobody expected. I know at this point things sound so hopeless and depressing, but I promise that once we get past all this, you will see all the hope and faith that these trials brought to us.
to be continued....
I started on birth control a couple months before we were married because Scott was worried we might get pregnant right away. I went along with it until about 6 months after our wedding. Then I used every excuse in the book to quit taking birth control and eventually just quit.
I expected that we would be pregnant very soon, especially since Scott was still very scared that it would happen right away. He didn't feel ready to be a daddy yet. And he had very good reasons for that, because our marriage was not in a good place.
Months went by, and more months went by...no pregnancy. I had researched online that it could take up to a year for a couple to get pregnant, so I hoped that within the year it would happen. (but deep down I had a nagging feeling that I would not have a baby of my own)
After 1 year of trying, we were living in Healy and I had met a woman who had moved to town that was in the same boat, they were trying and not getting pregnant. It was nice to have someone to talk to that understood how I was feeling. Scott took it as a sign that we just weren't supposed to have a baby yet...I didn't want to hear that.
Late summer of 2005 I did a concert in Garden City and started suspecting that I was pregnant. I was having all sorts of signs, my cycle was "MIA", and I kept thinking this was it. My best friend and I went to a county fair in the neighboring county. We both love the fast, spinning rides, so we rode on all of them. After a few rides, we got off our last ride of the evening and we both got sick to our stomach. (very unusual for us)
We both started suspecting that we were pregnant. It was awesome because what could be better than sharing the infertility journey with a friend, but sharing the pregnancy journey together. I was too scared to take one more pregnancy test, so I just waited. My good friend came over shortly after that and was sobbing...she had taken a test and was pregnant! This could only mean one thing....I had to be pregnant as well.
She had invited me to a women of faith weekend that was to take place within a week or so of her finding out she was pregnant (it was August). I was still suspecting I was pregnant. When we got there, I started feeling crampy and then started spotting. At first I really thought it was just my period. But when I had my period I never had cramps. After the first night of spotting, the bleeding got worse and the cramping was different than normal menstrual cramps.
I would have a terrible tightening cramp in my lower tummy (all I could do was grab something and squeeze) and then it would go away for awhile. It kept going on and on during the weekend. This was not like a normal cycle for me, so I started asking God what was going on with my body. I know this may sound strange to everyone else, but as I sat at this women of faith weekend I clearly heard God say to me "It will be ok, she's in my arms now". This told me all I needed to know. I was having a miscarriage.
The cramping got worse and worse as the 2 days went on, and by Sunday I was feeling so miserable. I had a concert to do Sunday evening on the way home and Scott was meeting us on the way home to bring me to this. I somehow made it through singing, and on our way home I kept telling Scott to pull over because I had a strange feeling like I had to push something out and needed to go to the bathroom. We stopped at a convenience store and when I got in there I was "pushing" and heard a plop....in the toilet was a blood clot with gray-ish blob in it. Call it a woman's instinct, but I knew what it was. I felt numb all over, and just flushed the toilet. I went out to our pick-up and calmly said "I just flushed our baby down the toilet."
It was after all the cramping and bleeding stopped (about 2 weeks later) that I finally started letting myself grieve. But it would be years before I fully grieved over it all (and many more miscarriages). This was a time in our marriage that we didn't need an added stress. It was around this time that I really dove into my counseling so that I could get past everything. By the end of the year I was able to work on our marriage and life started getting better. It was also time to start going to a Dr. for help in getting pregnant.
I guess I'll stop at this point, the next part adds a new twist to our lives that nobody expected. I know at this point things sound so hopeless and depressing, but I promise that once we get past all this, you will see all the hope and faith that these trials brought to us.
to be continued....
Friday, October 19, 2012
My story part 2...
I shared my wedding day story for you guys the last time I shared my story (ok, the first time I shared my story), so now it's time to move on. Wedding day over, honeymoon over, let's go right into "happily ever after".
I expected quite a bit of the happily ever after that you see in fairy tales. I mean, I waited 6 years to marry the man that I had a crush on from the moment I first saw him. How could it not go well? Ummm..let's see... on top of putting two different people together who come from different backgrounds, let's add some emotional baggage from the past. Let's let the emotional baggage be feelings of rejection and abandonment, being severely teased and tormented in school, and looking for love in all the wrong places as a teenager (if you know what I mean).
Put all this together and you don't really get a happily ever after. I was looking for my marriage to fix what happened in my past. I wanted it to fill the void of feeling abandoned by my birth mother. I wanted it to automatically take away the scars of having classmates tell me to commit suicide, call me nasty names, push me down the stairs. I expected marriage to make me forget the fact that I gave away my innocence way too soon. But marriage doesn't take it all away...in fact if you expect it to fix everything, it only adds to it.
Our marriage was not from a fairy tale. I was hurt, so in turn I hurt my husband. I learned to manipulate at a young age, so I used my skills to the fullest on my one true love. I really don't want to get in to very many details, but lets just say that our first 2 years of marriage was very hard. I would like to say it was harder than most, but I've never been in another marriage before.
To top it all off, 6 months after we got married, I quit taking birth control pills and started trying to get pregnant. I will admit to you now (I never wanted to admit it before) but I wanted to have a baby to try and fill that void that my marriage didn't fill. As we tried and tried and tried some more, the tension in our marriage got worse as I blamed my husband for not getting me pregnant. There were times he told me that he felt like I was just using him for a sperm bank.
In the first 2 years of our marriage, there were times we didn't think we'd make it as couple. I was stressed, he was stressed and sometimes we just didn't believe it was worth it to go through this kind of "hell" just to be married and have a family.
I remember yelling and screaming at Scott. I would expect him to do certain things and if he didn't do them I yelled, if he did do them I still yelled because I would find something about it that he did wrong. It was totally unfair for Scott.
In 2005, I was on the verge of a breakdown. I was still very depressed. I still had a bad habit that started as a teenager. When my emotional pain got to be too much, I would cut myself with a razor. Scott couldn't handle it anymore and asked me to please go get some counseling. He never outright said it, but I think he was giving me the choice to get help, or he was done with our marriage.
I went in to see a Christian counselor and as time went on (and with some mailed letters from Scott) I was on track to letting my past go. I was letting go of the hurt and scars. I learned that I was not defined by what happened in my past, but I could let it help me and even help others. I learned that I didn't even need good "self-esteem" I needed good "God-esteem". It was one of the most freeing things in my life. I did something that the counselor called "Soul Restoration" which is really just an intense prayer session that allows us to let God take our baggage that we don't need.
Wow....just remembering all this has been an emotional journey. It seems like such a long time ago, and almost like a totally different person. I'm so glad that we didn't quit this journey, because as I keep telling the different stories of our life together, you will see the moments of awesome joy even though there are times of trial.
Keep watching for part 3 of this gripping drama....lol.
to be continued...........
I expected quite a bit of the happily ever after that you see in fairy tales. I mean, I waited 6 years to marry the man that I had a crush on from the moment I first saw him. How could it not go well? Ummm..let's see... on top of putting two different people together who come from different backgrounds, let's add some emotional baggage from the past. Let's let the emotional baggage be feelings of rejection and abandonment, being severely teased and tormented in school, and looking for love in all the wrong places as a teenager (if you know what I mean).
Put all this together and you don't really get a happily ever after. I was looking for my marriage to fix what happened in my past. I wanted it to fill the void of feeling abandoned by my birth mother. I wanted it to automatically take away the scars of having classmates tell me to commit suicide, call me nasty names, push me down the stairs. I expected marriage to make me forget the fact that I gave away my innocence way too soon. But marriage doesn't take it all away...in fact if you expect it to fix everything, it only adds to it.
Our marriage was not from a fairy tale. I was hurt, so in turn I hurt my husband. I learned to manipulate at a young age, so I used my skills to the fullest on my one true love. I really don't want to get in to very many details, but lets just say that our first 2 years of marriage was very hard. I would like to say it was harder than most, but I've never been in another marriage before.
To top it all off, 6 months after we got married, I quit taking birth control pills and started trying to get pregnant. I will admit to you now (I never wanted to admit it before) but I wanted to have a baby to try and fill that void that my marriage didn't fill. As we tried and tried and tried some more, the tension in our marriage got worse as I blamed my husband for not getting me pregnant. There were times he told me that he felt like I was just using him for a sperm bank.
In the first 2 years of our marriage, there were times we didn't think we'd make it as couple. I was stressed, he was stressed and sometimes we just didn't believe it was worth it to go through this kind of "hell" just to be married and have a family.
I remember yelling and screaming at Scott. I would expect him to do certain things and if he didn't do them I yelled, if he did do them I still yelled because I would find something about it that he did wrong. It was totally unfair for Scott.
In 2005, I was on the verge of a breakdown. I was still very depressed. I still had a bad habit that started as a teenager. When my emotional pain got to be too much, I would cut myself with a razor. Scott couldn't handle it anymore and asked me to please go get some counseling. He never outright said it, but I think he was giving me the choice to get help, or he was done with our marriage.
I went in to see a Christian counselor and as time went on (and with some mailed letters from Scott) I was on track to letting my past go. I was letting go of the hurt and scars. I learned that I was not defined by what happened in my past, but I could let it help me and even help others. I learned that I didn't even need good "self-esteem" I needed good "God-esteem". It was one of the most freeing things in my life. I did something that the counselor called "Soul Restoration" which is really just an intense prayer session that allows us to let God take our baggage that we don't need.
Wow....just remembering all this has been an emotional journey. It seems like such a long time ago, and almost like a totally different person. I'm so glad that we didn't quit this journey, because as I keep telling the different stories of our life together, you will see the moments of awesome joy even though there are times of trial.
Keep watching for part 3 of this gripping drama....lol.
to be continued...........
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Too much excitement
I had a crazy afternoon today..or I guess yesterday. Everything was good up until almost 4:00. Let me share how my day went.
I spent the morning resting (as usual) and then had a "date" with a good friend at our local convenience store. I decided to get milk and other groceries at the store after that and then wanted to go home and relax.
I got home, parked in the garage, carried in the groceries, and then let our little malti-poo go outside to go potty. As I was getting ready to pull John out of the van, I heard barking, a yelp, and then heard the distinct sound of rattling.
I looked over in time to see a rattle snake near our garage (within 6 feet of me) ready to strike. And my little puppy running back to the garage. Instinct told me that the snake already bit Boogie (the dog) but I needed to get him in the house...as well as get John inside.
I had Martie check Boogie over and sure enough on his chest near his leg were two fang marks with blood and a clear liquid oozing out. I panicked...I love this dog like I love my children. I couldn't let him die!
I called his vet and they informed me they had no dr in the office. So I called another...still no one to help. I frantically called a 3rd vet and the said they could help. But then they shared the cost....pretty much the majority of our emergency money. I'll be honest I wasn't even thinking money at that point.
I packed John back in the van, had Martie grab Boogie and we were off. Boogie's leg was already swelling and he was getting more and more groggy. I drove 80 the whole way. We made it to the vet and they rushed him to the back.
Martie, John, and I waited till they had news. Boogie was going to be fine but had to spend the night there. The vet told me that we got there just in time because when they got Boogie in the back he was starting to be unresponsive. But he was responding well now.
Tomorrow we get to bring Boogie home as long as he does well till then. The worst part of this whole thing is thinking about the fact that a rattlesnake was just a few feet from my house. Where my family liked to hang out.
I called Scott right after it happened and he and some of hos co-workers tried to find and kill it, but it was gone. I hope it's gone for good, but I am scared it will be back.
This was too much of a day for me...I'd rather have a boring day.
I spent the morning resting (as usual) and then had a "date" with a good friend at our local convenience store. I decided to get milk and other groceries at the store after that and then wanted to go home and relax.
I got home, parked in the garage, carried in the groceries, and then let our little malti-poo go outside to go potty. As I was getting ready to pull John out of the van, I heard barking, a yelp, and then heard the distinct sound of rattling.
I looked over in time to see a rattle snake near our garage (within 6 feet of me) ready to strike. And my little puppy running back to the garage. Instinct told me that the snake already bit Boogie (the dog) but I needed to get him in the house...as well as get John inside.
I had Martie check Boogie over and sure enough on his chest near his leg were two fang marks with blood and a clear liquid oozing out. I panicked...I love this dog like I love my children. I couldn't let him die!
I called his vet and they informed me they had no dr in the office. So I called another...still no one to help. I frantically called a 3rd vet and the said they could help. But then they shared the cost....pretty much the majority of our emergency money. I'll be honest I wasn't even thinking money at that point.
I packed John back in the van, had Martie grab Boogie and we were off. Boogie's leg was already swelling and he was getting more and more groggy. I drove 80 the whole way. We made it to the vet and they rushed him to the back.
Martie, John, and I waited till they had news. Boogie was going to be fine but had to spend the night there. The vet told me that we got there just in time because when they got Boogie in the back he was starting to be unresponsive. But he was responding well now.
Tomorrow we get to bring Boogie home as long as he does well till then. The worst part of this whole thing is thinking about the fact that a rattlesnake was just a few feet from my house. Where my family liked to hang out.
I called Scott right after it happened and he and some of hos co-workers tried to find and kill it, but it was gone. I hope it's gone for good, but I am scared it will be back.
This was too much of a day for me...I'd rather have a boring day.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Dreams
I have spent a lot of time lately just looking at John. Sometimes I can't believe that he's really here. After almost 9 years of longing and trying for a baby made me think it was impossible and would never happen. And now I spend my days and nights staring at this beautiful baby boy that God created. A baby that spent 9 months with someone else, but somehow looks just like Scott.
Here's the crazy thing about John looking likely Scott. Our whole time trying for a baby, I prayed that God would make our baby look like Scott. I wanted our baby to have Scott's hair and eye color above all else. So far the hair color fits...and even the way his hair lays. We will see if his eyes turn out like Scott's eyes.
John is such a great testimony of how God works in lives. Sometimes our deepest desires do not match Gods desires for us...but He always had a perfect plan. Sometimes it's not in the time we think, but God has perfect timing.
I challenge you today to look at the things that didn't seem to go your way and look closely at how God worked it out. Or look at something that you want but haven't gotten yet, and patiently wait to see what God will do with your situation. He knows best even if you don't see it. Sometimes you have to give your dreams to Him before the dreams He has for you can become reality.
Here's the crazy thing about John looking likely Scott. Our whole time trying for a baby, I prayed that God would make our baby look like Scott. I wanted our baby to have Scott's hair and eye color above all else. So far the hair color fits...and even the way his hair lays. We will see if his eyes turn out like Scott's eyes.
John is such a great testimony of how God works in lives. Sometimes our deepest desires do not match Gods desires for us...but He always had a perfect plan. Sometimes it's not in the time we think, but God has perfect timing.
I challenge you today to look at the things that didn't seem to go your way and look closely at how God worked it out. Or look at something that you want but haven't gotten yet, and patiently wait to see what God will do with your situation. He knows best even if you don't see it. Sometimes you have to give your dreams to Him before the dreams He has for you can become reality.
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