A word from God...."by life or by DEATH"

Warning....this post is going to be hard to read and may cause you to be very emotional.

Today my dad gave my husband a word from God. It was something that my mom and I have discussed a lot lately, but there aren't many people I can discuss it with who truly listen. This has been something in my heart for awhile but have kept to myself for fear of offending anyone. But here goes, I'm going to bare my heart even more than I have so far. (and I hope I can make it through typing this)

The word my dad gave Scott was this verse. "I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death." Philippians 1:20. I went to the Bible and read the little bit before that verse starting in 18b and here's the whole thing: "Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death."

This is interesting that the first part talks about rejoicing....I guess I might have to start at the beginning for everyone to fully understand.

The one word that I hear God saying to me over and over has been "rejoice". I know He is telling me to rejoice no matter what life throws at us. So it's very interesting that the word rejoice is in this scripture. I have been looking up the word rejoice and I can't even begin to put into this post what I'm learning about the word rejoice, so that will be another post itself.

Back to the word my dad gave Scott. The end of the verse says "so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death". This is where it gets hard to read. Scott and I have felt for awhile now, that no matter how strong our faith is or isn't, Scott will not be healed (on earth that is). I know God is very capable of it, I have the faith that He can heal Scott in an instant. But what does the verse say....by life or by DEATH.

My dad finally understood today that there will come a time when we do say "so long for now" to Scott and that this time will be much sooner than any of us wants. It's such a fine line to walk where Scott and I are right now. We must have a hope for the future and dream about that future, all while knowing that this future probably won't happen. We also have to have the faith that God CAN heal Scott, all the while know that we just know deep down that God won't heal Scott on earth.

Because of this, Scott and I continually pray that God would use his death for Christ to be exalted. That maybe by celebrating Scott's life, others would see his faith and come to know the Lord in a new way.

I know that this post might be very hard to read...trust me when I say that it's very hard to write. Sometimes I wonder how I can even get my fingers to type my husbands name in the same sentence that I type the word death. And I can tell you that it's only by the grace of God that I can even function on a daily basis. It's only because God Himself holds me up.

Can I challenge you all to something? Will you examine your life right now today and ask yourself if you will rejoice in the hard times? Will you have courage to let Christ be exalted in your body whether by your life or your death?