Nothing

So I haven't blogged any updates on the status of the clomid and if it worked. And since I told everyone I wouldn't announce it till after Christmas you should know the results. It's negative all around. Darn...I was hoping this was our time.

I was even having all the symptoms. I was nauseaus (still am), a couple things of mine were sore (still are), I was (and still am) completely exhausted. So I had promising symptoms. That and I'm "late" by 5 days so now I'm confused what's going on there. =S Frustration city, man!

I also learned that I'm probably close to being clinically insane...seriously. Last Saturday I took a test and I swear I saw a faint line...same with Sunday morning (only a little more faint). Then Sunday evening I took another one and it was negative. So Monday I went in and had a blood test and negative that way too. Which means that I hallucinate and see things that don't exist.

I made a complete idiot out of myself, cause when I thought I saw the line I freaked out and told Scott, then I immediately called my mom and told her (and followed that up with a call to my sis-in-law). We were all so excited...until the tests started being negative. So I guess our last try was a bummer.

But I do have some other news that's pretty exciting. I got a new job. I'm working at the grocery store in Healy and I'm loving it. It's still my first week and I'm "in training" but I love the people I work with and I enjoy the job itself. So it's keeping me busy enough to keep my mind off of baby stuff. And now with Christmas coming up right around the corner, there's plenty planned and I get to see my family for a whole week...and even spend two nights in a hotel with only my hubby.

As disappointing as it is, I am still enjoying life, and I'm choosing to be content where God has me and with what He's given me. I choose to love Him no matter what (and no matter how angry I get in certain moments). I will always come back to Him.

God bless and have a very Merry Christmas!

Waiting, waiting, and more waiting

Ok, I need prayer. I'm so not a patient person. I think right now my patience has come from my sis-in-law. We still know nothing pregnancy wise. I think that if I am, my body is just being weird and making ME wait until Christmas.

I really think I'm losing my sanity in this wait. I was doing so good until Wednesday of this week. I started testing on Wednesday....I KNOW....it's way to soon! I have two more tests at home and I'm planning to try and wait until Monday to take one of them. And I'm also trying to get ready in case I get a little "something" this weekend and that means the answer is for sure no.

You know, I was thinking tonight. (this is said with a good attitude I promise). With as many pregnant women as I've seen and heard of lately (and as many new babies as there are now) it really can't be that hard to get pregnant. So what are we doing wrong? I thought that I had passed my sex ed. class (yes, I just said the "s" word). But I'm really starting to wonder if they didn't teach it right, or if I just didn't pay enough attention.

Ok, I'm done venting now. I just ask that you keep praying (if anyone is even reading this). Good night and I'll let you know as soon as I can what our outcome is.

God Bless and Merry Christmas!

The decision was made

I know, with Thanksgiving and all, I never got back to letting anyone know what our decision was...

...drum-roll please...

....We did the clomid. Yes, it's all over now and I am in what most ttc'rs (trying to concieve) call the two-week wait. I guess I can let you all know that we should know something by Christmas...but I have to apologize, cause if it happens we aren't sharing anything until a little later. Sorry, but I just have to make sure it sticks if I am pregnant.

On a good note, I have been doing very well with this one. I have kept my mind mostly off of it (kind of...) and it didn't seem like such a chore this time. It was actually kind of exciting. So maybe this is our time. The biggest change? The fact that if I'm not pregnant, I'm gonna be ok with it. I have at least one more shot with the clomid, so we'll discuss possibly doing it again at some point.

So I guess I'm now either pregnant or not and it's just a waiting game. So instead of praying for it to work, we must pray for my sanity...seriously. But anyway...I guess that's enough of that. And I gotta go charge my camera battery so that I can put pics on here and on my facebook page.

Love to ya'll! Merry Christmas.

Christmas is coming

Since I can't decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving (rules by my husband who hates for Thanksgiving to be overlooked since it's his fave holiday) I snuck one thing by him this year. The day before Thanksgiving we had a neice and nephew over and between them, Martie, and myself, we made a gingerbread house. I have never done this before...and yes, I cheated. I bought a kit at walmart. Someday when I get used to doing them, we'll do a totally home-made one. But for now, not.








I let them decided how the candy would decorate the house, and they all seemed to agree (most of the time) how it should look.

I might also add that this house is very yummy...as it is now half-eaten.

My goal for next year? I want to buy a gingerbread village kit that I saw and make that my edible Christmas village for next Christmas.

Decisions, decisions

I almost don't know what more to say besides the title. But I better explain. We have taken a very large break from "trying" and those who follow my blog understand what I mean by that. This past May we hadn't even started trying for the summer yet when we ended up pregnant and I miscarried at the end of May. Since then I've not been ready or willing to risk trying hard for a baby.

This past weekend I also made the decision to give it all up to God. And I have been perfectly content to leave it in His hands and if I don't ever have my own baby, I'm ok with that. But today I all of a sudden had the thought that this cycle I want to try the clomid again. I have some on hand and the timing of it would have me taking it on Tuesday night. So the question is....do I take it and do we try, or do we just leave it alone and accept life as it is.

I don't want to give up too soon when there might be a chance, but at the same time, if it's not in God's will I don't want to push where I don't belong. I also don't want to get pregnant and miscarry once again. 6 has been plenty (and I just ordered the May stone for my memorial necklace). We don't need 7 angel babies.

I have not made up my mind yet, and thank goodness I have a couple days to be praying and thinking about it. If it's what God wants, I will give it my all and do exactly as I'm supposed to as far as dr's and things. And if it's not God's will, then we will go on as we have been and I will be content with what God has given me. So can I ask that you be praying for and with me in the next couple days as I seek God's will in all of this?

In other business, we are still waiting about the house we want. We were approved for a loan, but they won't loan us the $$ until the wiring gets replaced by the owner. So this next week we will be talking to the owner and trying to negotiate. I still really like this house and would love it, but I am choosing to take this the same way as the clomid thing....I want to be in God's will, so I want what He wants.

Just keep praying, I'll keep you posted, and all will be great and wonderful no matter what. Love to you all and God's blessings over you.

Same Old...

So at the moment we are still looking at one house in particular. It's a little bit of a fixer-upper, but yet it is very roomy and we can see ourselves living there very easily. The only thing keeping us from jumping right away is making sure that there will be finances to fix it up (meaning more of a loan). It depends on if a bank thinks our credit is good enough, if the house has enough potential, and what we are able to talk the owner down to in price.

I'm just so excited for an opportunity like this, though. I want to own my own home, and I don't even mind a fixer-upper. That way we can make things the way we want them.

So as of yet, we are not moving =( but I'm hoping we get to move shortly after the new year. Ok, at least before the school year is over.

Anyway, other than that, our life is not really exciting. I have a new nephew, and that's pretty awesome. I got to be at the hospital when he was born (not in the room). He looks just like my brother, and I'm excited to see how his personality is as he grows up.

I'll admit it makes me a little sad for myself seeing them with the new baby. Only because I know that it will never be me. It is a daily struggle for me to take these negative thoughts captive and fully trust in the Lord, but that is what I spend my days doing. As of right now, this blog is one of the few places I share my feelings. I share with my husband (don't get much sympathy his way) and that's about it. Deep down I know that it's hard for others to understand. They have all experienced childbirth and raising a baby, they are able to fully have joy in a new babies birth in a way that I will never have. I'm excited don't get me wrong, but it takes conscious effort to shake off negative feelings and truly feel the joy of the Lord.

But I've made a commitment to not go back to my old self. The one that is so depressed and bitter that I can't even see straight. Even if it is a struggle the rest of my life, I will fight off those feelings. Even when I'm all alone without any other person understanding, I will not allow these feelings to shape who I am.

Ok, that got a little too deep. I apologize...but I guess it's the real me coming out. I guess even when a person isn't angry, they still have to vent. Either that or I still have some work to do in myself.

Anyway, I pray that we both keep the joy of the Lord in all situations. God bless!

Hoping for a new adventure

I know, I know, it's been too long again. Please forgive me. Life went nuts and then our internet/computer was being weird (well, it still is) and I finally broke down and hooked our laptop to the internet to get some web surfing done. I found out I really do miss the internet. It's a great way to keep in touch with people.

We have a major life-change coming up (hopefully soon). We are moving. Yes, you heard that correctly. We are looking at houses in a nearby town (where our church and my brother is).

May I stray for just a short while..speaking of my brother. He and his wife just had their baby this past Thursday and now I'm even more excited than I was before to get there. He's the cutest thing and looks so much like his daddy. And he's so quiet I've only heard him cry like once or twice.

Anyway, back to what I'm really blogging about. Tonight we are looking at a house that needs some tlc. It's been neglected, but it has some awesome potential from what we've seen so far. But tonight we get to see the inside in all its completeness and really decide if it's the house for us.

It has only 1 bathroom and two bedrooms, but it has a huge living room, dining room, and kitchen...and the bedrooms are very niced sized. It also has a full, unfinished basement (or so we've been told). Scott talked to the owner this morning to set up our time and she said that people have used part of the basement as a bedroom for kids...so maybe it's not completely unfinished.

It has hard-wood floors at least in one bedroom, a bay window, and a fake fireplace in the living room.....hey it's the ambiance we are looking for...lol. Like I said it needs some tlc, but it seems to be a good sturdy home.

Scott also found out that it was built in the early 1900's and has been in this woman's family since then. It has been passed down and finally came to her and now she has to sell it. Well, what better owners than us. We will have so much pride in our home and will make sure it's well taken care of. Plus I am very sentimental and I love things that are family heirlooms. I have some things that have been passed down to me from older generations, and I treasure those things more than any other items in my house (I said "items" not people).

So that's our life right now. Not much else except looking at homes and waiting for the right one so we can get on with life in a new town. Talk to you later. God bless!