My Gut

I'm known in my family for getting "gut feelings" as we call them, and about 90% of the time my gut is right. I do this a lot with my kiddos, but it's happened in other areas as well. A funny example would be the times I've "baby whispered" family and friends. I'm under strict orders not to "baby whisper my sister-in-law in Topeka anymore....for now anyway.

But sometimes my gut lets me in on things that I don't like. The year my husband was diagnosed with his eye cancer my gut kept telling me to "prepare". I didn't know what, but I found out within a couple months why this message was so important as I heard my husband say the words "I have cancer".

I also knew in my gut that my timeline for trying for a baby would end when I was 30 and sure enough I turned 30 just a few months before my hysterectomy.

I have not always been right on everything...but enough to be scary. Thats why I'm a little scared about whats going on now. My husband has to have a biopsy done on a spot found in his lung. As much as I've tried to pray "God please don't let this be cancer" I've found that the words are blocked each time I try and pray them. Instead the words that come out are "please help us through this time. Give me strength to endure." I've talked to people who normally would tell me not to think negative thoughts of cancer and what that future might hold and they have talked me through how to prepare for the worst.

I do not want the worst to happen, but I do feel a strange peace, a comfort that no matter what the outcome, I will be fine. I will endure and I will do it with the joy of the Lord.

I do hope this time my gut is wrong. But if for some reason it is not, you will see this woman pick herself up off the floor after the shock wears off and she will keep fighting the battle.

ps....I just want to say that I know we refer to MY gut, but I do believe that these gut feelings are God speaking to me...I take no credit.