Lately I never know if it will be a good or bad day until I wake up...or even halfway through the day. Some days Scott has such a good day we forget for just a moment that he has a terrible disease attacking his body. But days like today remind me that we have quite a road ahead of us.
Scott gets fevers, he continues to lose weight, he looks so pale and today his face even looks a bit sunken in. He gets pain in his body that makes it hard to function and do everyday tasks. Yesterday he had one of his tired and feeling weak days. He went to open an envelope with a card in it and barely got it opened or the card out.
It kills me to watch daily as he goes further downhill, or watch a new symptom show up. I try very hard to be strong for him, but it takes all I have to keep going, or more accurately, it's God keeping me going.
I have started praying daily that the cancer has not spread elsewhere, but I remind myself that with all the signs I see there is a very real possibility that his cancer has spread.
This is the toughest road we've been down so far, but it has helped so much to have family that lets me get angry and vent to them. They are so patient with me and I love them dearly for helping me be strong.
My sister-in-law also decided to order bracelets for our family to wear and to sell as a fundraiser. This means so much to me as I watch people requesting a bracelet to support Scott. This has given me strength as well.
I know that this road will be a long tough journey, and I have no idea what the outcome truly will be, so I'll keep moving on and being strong. With God I can do this.
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